Your self-worth describes you and that doesn’t demand that you be a perfect being, writes Shikha Jain
Global Dignity Day (October 17) is celebrated to make everyone realise that each citizen living in this world has their rights and deserves respect. Dignity means the state or quality of being worthy of honour and respect, or human rights. It is all about tapping into values of compassion, understanding, kindness and tolerance.
“Self-worth is one virtue that builds the drive in us to even take care of our health, to work, to communicate with people, to build relationships, to find a life partner and to reach out to family…it’s all related to self worth. If we are not worthy in our own eyes, which is about identifying and seeing worth in ourself, then existence is close to impossible because existence is about self worth,” says Dr Shifali Batra, a senior consultant psychologists and founder of MINDFRAMES.
Self-awareness
When a person is aware about his strengths as well as limitations, he is in a better position to identify his strengths and the areas where he actually needs help. Hence, it about self awareness versus self-worth. “Let’s say, someone is overweight, but that doesn’t mean they are ugly or not worth it. So, that degree of awareness; knowing your strengths, knowing you can build on them and knowing that these limitations do not define me and I do not gauge my confidence or worth on these limitations, is important,” says Dr Shifali.
According to Dr Chinmay Kulkarni, Mumbai-based psychologist, confidence is the by-product of knowing one’s self worth. “People who don’t know their worth have problems of lack of confidence. Self-confidence actually means one has faith in oneself. To have a positive quality is a very relative term, because for a rugby player being aggressive is a positive quality, but to have a calm mind is a positive quality for a chess player. Therefore, the same quality could be either positive or negative for people depending on
the scenario.”
The symptoms
People who have problems with their self worth see the world as a hostile place, and they also see themselves as victims. Hence, they are reluctant to express themselves. As a result, they also miss out on many experiences and opportunities in their lives. There are also studies which have shown that people who have problems with their self worth make less money, abuse and do drugs. They are not stable in their relationships as they feel they are not worthy enough and that their partners find too many faults in them.
“Not knowing one’s self worth can lead to problems like mental disorders. Depression is the primary symptom of it too. The origin of lack of self worth could be many – childhood experiences, societal norms, poverty, obesity, skin complexion, language barrier and more,” specifies Dr Kulkarni.
Another reason is that some people have very high expectations from themselves and from the world too. There is a lot of discrepancy between expectation and reality. If someone sets too high standards for themselves and is not able to meet those standards, that has a negative impact on their self worth. Hence, self-worth is a very important factor in life. So, we need to realise our self worth and help people who are dealing with these issues for a happy, fulfilled and successful life.
Tap into these values
Practising gratitude greatly helps in enhancing one’s self-worth. When we feel grateful and thankful to others it makes us realise that we have that degree of goodness in us to actually reach out to somebody else and do something for them. Being nice to others makes us feel a lot better than them. “Research has shown that people who are compassionate live a happier life. Helping others can be a great boost to one’s self-worth. Understanding oneself and others also gives one a realistic outlook,” says Dr Kulkarni.
Dr Shifali adds, “We need to build positive relationships and yet be considerate in our communication. Be assertive, be honest, be open and let people know if there are areas that need to be improved. So, building that degree of trust, faith, compassion, and being kind, polite will always motivate them.” We should try to help to change their focus by questioning them about their belief system. To compliment and to help them to accept compliments is another solution to the problem as they might never have been appreciated in a long time.