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My husband has a friend he constantly calls, whenever he has a problem. She is someone he went to college with, and someone he has continued to stay close to after all these years. We have been married for four years now, but he still calls her first to ask for her opinion before asking for mine. This didn't bother me much at first, because we were newly married, and I thought it would take him some time to start valuing my advice. It is starting to bother me though, because it feels as if he cares about her more than he values me. I know this sounds childish, but I don't know how to deal with it. I want to speak to him about it but can't because he will simply ask me to grow up. What should I do?
If your husband has been with you for four years, he has also had this friend for four years in addition to all the years he has known her before. True friendships get deeper with time, and it's perfectly okay for people to have different kinds of relationships with different people because that's what gives life meaning. You are well within your rights to feel slighted, but you should also take into consideration the fact that your husband shares a different kind of relationship with you than he does with his friend. He values you in his own way, and what you share with him isn't something his friend ever will. Speaking to him about this is fine, of course, but you should also take some time to think about why this makes you feel insecure and whether your attitude towards him and his friend is justified.
What can two people do to start speaking more about things that matter instead of superficial things that don't?
Start by trying to figure out what each of you mean by superficial. One person's idea of what isn't important may not necessarily be the same as the other one's.
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