I was on the computer, reading a newspaper article about the Brexit/EU deadlock and the failure to formalise an agreement on trade or customs ... and my eye got distracted by a tiny pop-up Bras N Things ad on the side of the page, because for me, bras are more important than Britain being plunged into decades of economic and political turmoil.

So I instinctively clicked on the Bras N Things ad with no intention of buying a bra. I know: I’m disappointed in me too. Though in fairness, I was a little intrigued by the “N Things”. Maybe they sold granular fertiliser for buffalo-leaf lawn: that’s an “N Thing” I actually needed. Or one of those rotary parmesan cheese graters. They make parmesan cheese grating a breeze in the kitchen, or right at the dinner table!

Turns out there were none of those kind of N Things on the website. Just a photo of a woman in a Charlize Bustier Push Up Bra in red - and she didn’t look happy. She seemed to be staring at me, saying, “What are you doing here? If you’re not buying bras, nick off! For too long men have sexualised and objectified women for their own pleasure but that’s done now, the tide has turned, so just go back to that Brexit article you don’t understand! Go on, git!” And she was right. I don’t want to be a man like that. I watched Nanette. I’m striving to achieve a state of pure Gadsbyfication.

So I clicked off and went back to the Brexit article I didn’t understand. I read about the worst-case no-deal scenario, about a second referendum proposal ... but hang on, there was that Bras N Things ad again. A huge banner-sized one, right in the middle of the page. The woman in the red Charlize Bustier Push Up was back, and she’d brought friends. A woman in a Tokyo Night Bodysuit, a woman in a Cosmos Plunge Contour Bra, and a woman in a Pop Grunge Bralette & Mini V Set - 50 per cent off, pretty good value. “You can’t get rid of us now!” they all seemed to be chanting, “we’ve implanted remarketing tracking code onto your computer and we’re going to haunt you and taunt you until you’ve learnt your lesson, you pathetic middle-aged cisgender straight white male!” Don’t know what a lot of that had to do with anything, but anyway, they said it.