Is it OK to steal someone’s idea if you turn it into a silly list?
Benign to five
Some time ago an email struck my inbox like a pigeon hitting a window. (I’m talking about the effect the email had on me: I involuntarily swore, my heart rate increased and, and I grimaced and recoiled, momentarily unsure what do next.)
It was a press release about ‘‘how to stay irreplaceable’’ in the workplace as artificial intelligence inevitably takes over. There were five tips from a ‘‘professional image consultant’’ aiming to help people develop skills ‘‘that a computer simply cannot replace’’.
I wanted to know more – and perhaps see if I could organise a consultation – so I picked up the phone while I continued reading.
Tip one was ‘‘brand yourself’’.
There are many things I’ll do to entertain and enlighten you, my beloved readers, but jamming a piece of white-hot iron against my arse is a step too far.
I put down the phone. I never called.
So here are my own tips for staying competitive with computers, machines and robots as the brave new AI world sweeps across us like a small wave over an unsuspecting toddler:
Lift weights. Robots are very strong thanks to pistons and stuff, and you need to improve your bench press numbers.
Work on the softest skill of all: loving. Everyone knows robots can’t love and the corporate world could certainly use some more consensual, non-creepy tenderness at the moment.
Learn massage. Robots can’t massage; their stupid metal fingers are too hard and cumbersome. Again, though, consent and non-creepiness is critical here.
Hone your non-creepiness. This only adds to your effectiveness in skills two and three, but also gives you the advantage over baby-faced androids with shark eyes.
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