Mumbaiwale: What questions do tourists and locals ask on tours of the city?

I met Viren D’Sa when he was a travel writer hustling pitches that went beyond seeing the sights. He seemed determined to go beyond the stereotypes: no “cab-driver-told-me” reporting, no close-up photos of local grandmas, no forced exotica, no fake discoveries.

When he started doing heritage tours of an old city hotel, and eventually cultural tours of the city thourgh his enterprise Zamorin of Bombay, it surprised no one. D’Sa speaks English, French, Spanish, Portuguese and Hindi, and also runs the YouTube channel Why We Do What We Do, explaining India’s quirks to the world.

Here are the most common questions he encounters when he conducts tours for locals and for foreign visitors; and how he responds:

FOREIGN TOURISTS

If India is so dirty, how do Indians sport such clean and white clothes?

This is my favourite question. I respond by saying that labour is cheap and it’s easy to outsource the laundry. Abroad you need a licence to start a business, here you need an excuse. Then I take them to Dhobi Ghat

Why do Indian men hold hands in public?

I tell them that Indian men and women don’t mix much in society. They meet their life partners usually at college or when parents arrange a match. So men tend to be close to their male buddies – the friend is the relationship, the wife is the duty. It’s platonic intimacy. The rarely clasp hands, but will entwine pinky fingers with the male friend.

Why can’t Indians swim?

I explain that access to a pool is a luxury. We think training in crossing the road is more important.

Why do Indians litter?

I say that most Indians consider the home, temple and workplace sacred. Shared areas like roads are not, which means they don’t have do to the “dirty job” of keeping it clean.

How do I bargain?

My best tip isn’t to counter a quarter of the proposed rate. It’s to comparison-shop, ask each seller for his lowest price and spread out your purchases.

Why do Indian Gods have so many hands and heads?

It’s a complex question, but my simple answer is that many hands are for multitasking; many heads for omnipresence.

Why do the men have orange hair?

I confirm that the average man is not a Trump supporter! And then talk about how henna is used to cover greys.

LOCALS ON TOUR

Can we see Shah Rukh Khan’s house?

Locals hope a tour company will take them closer to the stars and are pretty disappointed when even that doesn’t ensure access.

Can we show my foreign clients just British Bombay and avoid Dharavi?

Indians tend to be ashamed of the way more than half the city lives. But foreign visitors who end up visiting Dharavi are amazed that the neighbourhoods are clean, safe and the homes have air conditioning and satellite dishes.

Can you offer me a lower price?

Locals like to think they already know their city well, or that their limited knowledge is all there is to know. They have a limited sense of Mumbai’s colonial development, and they don’t want to pay to see a monument in their own city. They don’t realise the value is in the information and context.

Why are the trees painted?

I explain that the thick white-brown rings around the barks are ways to count them for the municipal tree census. Tree roots that jut out on the road are often painted to warn motorists.

South Mumbai is too far for me. Any places to see in north Mumbai?

While foreign tourists are happy to step into the alleys, local tourists are all about the comfort zone. They’d rather see the big monuments and say “Ok, tell me two-three lines about it.” They prefer data; foreigners prefer experience.

What’s a good day trip from the city?

Most locals don’t realise how bad the traffic can be when you’re returning to the city in the evening, so I recommend an overnight stay rather than a day trip, particularly for locals, who tend to have no patience.

First Published: Sep 22, 2018 00:45 IST