THREE+ME: In defense of the bucket list

Just DO The Thing! We don't have forever

Do you have a bucket list?

I used to think it was dumb. I mean, how can you plan what happens in your life? So much is out of your control, and setting certain goals by certain dates is just bound to end in disappointment.

If I’d “planned” to get married by 23 and have a kid or two by 25, I’d already be off to a bad start. I was 28 when I married my wonderful husband -- and he, at 37, had gone through a divorce, which hadn't exactly been in his long-term plans, either. And as for kids, I can safely say that having an 11-year-old stepson and a 7-year-old stepdaughter hadn't been on my radar in the slightest.

Life is weird -- some of it good, some of it less good. And a lot of it isn’t what you can pencil in on a calendar. “I’ve decided this is the year I’m going to meet my soulmate!” Good luck scheduling that one.

But on the flip side, there's a lot you can put on that calendar. And not only "can," but "absolutely should."

Play that game your stepkid invented. Meet that friend for a concert. Go on that dinner date with your significant other. Hang out with your parents. Get that degree. Enter that art show. Lose that weight. Start that business. Take that trip. (Write shorter lists in your column.)

All of those (and a gazillion others) are things that can in fact be put on a calendar — either immediately, like a coffee date, or with scheduled steps, like writing a book.

I say this because most people I know, including myself, go about their days rushing around for things that don't really matter, and not rushing at all for things that should.

For example, how many times have we told a kid — "Not now, I have to do [this thing], we'll play later" — but still haven't gotten around to playing?

Or said to a friend — "I miss you! We should get together sometime!" — but still haven't actually met up?

Instead, we go to our jobs, we clean and re-clean the house, we scroll through social media or binge-watch TV shows or play video games. Sure, all those things have a place, and sure, some are actually important (particularly the whole "work" thing). But they take up a huge portion of our time, generally at the expense of other, sometimes more life-enriching, engagements.

And the time we lose, we can't get back. We don't have forever.

I was reminded of this with painful clarity when my father-in-law passed away a month ago. He still had things he wanted to do, trips he wanted to take, people he wanted to spend time with.

He had a bucket list.

Some things, he'd checked off.

And some ... he can't anymore.

Last week, something else happened, too. I turned 30. That might seem "old," "young," or "completely insignificant" (it's all a matter of perspective, I guess), but either way, it's still a reminder that time is passing.

And if I had a bucket list of "Things To Do Before 30," time for that has passed.

It just reminds me (and hopefully anyone reading this) that if there's anything important we've been wanting to get around to eventually, maybe we should stop waiting. "Eventually" might never come.

When my father-in-law died, he had quite the turnout at his wake. It was great seeing all his friends come to pay their respects; the sad part was, he wasn't able to enjoy seeing them all.

In the time since, my husband and I have started reaching out to some of our own friends — you know, the ones to whom we always say, "We should get together sometime!" And we've set actual dates to hang out with them.

We've put a bit more effort into healthier living, trying to get in at least a short walk a few days a week.

I've started focusing more on creating art, and a friend and I are finally planning a gallery show for the winter.

And on our days with the kids, we're trying to focus more on THE KIDS than on our perpetual to-do list. Because the chores will always be the same; the kids will not always be this age.

None of us know how long we have left, and we can't get back the time we've lost. But we can make the most of the time we do have, right now.

Like the Tim McGraw song says, "My next 30 years will be the best years of my life."

Time to start a new bucket list.

Email Emely Varosky at evarosky@heraldnews.com.