Build up your mental muscle

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”–Thomas Jefferson

Studies show us that we should visualise what we want to be and behave like the person we want to become. When children leave the comfort zone of their homes and go to school or to hostels, when youth enter their new job fields or when we face challenges, what comes to our immediate rescue is our mental strength which can help us adapt to the change and weather the storm. There is no denying the fact that all of us suffer, when the times are tough for us, but those of us who have worked on themselves and developed their mental strength, cope up with the challenges adaptively and learn valuable lessons from them. This exercise further increases their mental strength. We just need to change our perception towards this.

It is also a part of good parenting and good teaching and  parents and teachers should first learn and develop mental toughness and then teach it to their children and students. It will help the students tide through the various upheavals in their life, effortlessly. It is the need of the hour.

What is mental strength? Many people weave stories of their walking about with a broken leg or working for long hours when they were not well, but let me make it clear—acting strong is different from being mentally strong. Let me tell you how.

Mental toughness or strength is our ‘grit’ and is our ability to “survive and thrive” in any adverse conditions however alien to us. It is a combination of our resilience, our ability to be aware of our emotions and our capability to change them, to be able to cope adaptively with problems that confront us and to spot and harness any opportunities that come our way. It is also our ability to be able to learn and recover from our failures unscathed, and ricochet back into our workplace with renewed vigour and enthusiasm.

Three important components of mental strength are:

Emotions

Our emotional intelligence is a part of our mental strength. However mental strength is a more holistic soft skill or quality and also addresses our ‘thoughts’ and ‘behaviors’ and our ‘confidence’, all of which affect the life we lead. Being mentally strong requires us to be aware of our thoughts feelings and emotions and being able to control them instead of them controlling us. We can do so by learning to create positive thoughts and channelising them in a positive direction. Researchers estimate that we have between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts each day. Which means we have so many chances to feel happy and motivated or sad and depressed. Ultimately our emotions affect the decisions we take and we all want to take the best decisions to attain our goals. Learn to take charge of your emotions. Learn to accept and tolerate ‘discomfort’ as well, so that whenever you face adverse challenges you can accept them instead of trying to avoid them.

·Confidence

There is a constant chatter going on in our mind which is making a story about what we can do or what we cannot do. This story made by us in our mind about ourselves or about others, determines our actions and our performance. It can make us win or lose, in our endeavours. So let us train our mind to weave a positive story which helps us focus on winning not on losing and on the positive aspect of each situation and not on self-doubt or failure. This story boosts our confidence and helps us to achieve or it may create self-doubt and failure.

·Behaviour

Choosing to be productive and taking appropriate actions to improve our life, no matter what the circumstances are, is also a part of being mentally strong. We should stop developing self-destructive behaviors which may ruin our best efforts. Our mental strength helps us choose the right actions at the right time. At the same time, it also helps us to choose the right  time for us to ‘quit’, without any trace of our ego or pride  coming in .

How To Increase Our Mental Strength?

Here are some tips:

·Keep a check on your emotions and keep trying and doing your best. Remember failures are the road to success and achieving your goals. Do not be disheartened by your failures or what others think of you. Learn from your mistakes. Avoid negative emotions which may deplete your energy or your hard efforts.

·Do not give up easily. Be Resilient and Assertive. Accept the challenges even when you feel that the going will be tough for you. Try to overcome the problems with patience and your efforts but do not let them overpower you. Accept the challenges which confront you with a firm belief that they will bring out the best in you. Find out new ways to solve the problems confidently. Muhammad Ali was once asked-how many sit-ups does he do every day? “I don’t count my sit-ups, I only start counting when it starts hurting, when I feel pain, cause that’s when it really matters.” That was his famous reply. Apply this philosophy to yourself and your work too.

·Forego trying to get instant gratification. Remember that patience and hard work are both needed to succeed.

·Do not let the challenges de-moralise you. Take charge and do the things that challenge you or those which you don’t want to do. These will eventually make you a better person and improve your confidence and skills.

·Take decisions on doing  tasks trusting your ability to do them well. Do not be impulsive. You have to trust yourself and your gut feeling while taking a decision and execute it confidently. Do not be intimidated by others comments or reactions. Remember that you have to prove yourself to yourself, not to others.

·Figure out all the minor details while on a challenging project and put in your best and a lot of hard work. Do not let mental exhaustion or numbness deter you from its execution. Once accomplished this will boost your morale.

·Be Kind. Do not allow others to dominate you or walk away  with the glory at your expense. Speak up. But do not be rude to them or let their negativity overshadow your goodness.

·Be accountable.This proves that you are a responsible person and care about the results more than about yourself.

·Practice gratitude and make it a habit. Start with identifying four things you are grateful for every day. Count your blessings not your problems. This has a great impact on your psychological well-being and happiness.

·Practice mindfulness. Be in the present moment, aware and more focused on what is happening around you or to you. This de-stresses you and makes you less worried, more happy and work productive.

Take Home Message:

We all know the importance of physical exercises to tone up our body muscles. Today we have read about the importance of being mentally strong. The good news is that we can also tone up our ‘mental muscle’ if we practice for a few minutes each day, and train our mind to think differently, be proactive, manage our emotions and behave productively.

(The author is a neuro-psychologist, CBSE counsellor and founder of Pari Foundation)