'I hope Nick doesn't have any pet bunnies': Yes, The Bachelor is back
Tonight The Bachelor returned to TV screens across the nation, and not a moment too soon - it feels like we’ve been talking about Honey Badger-as-the-Bachelor for at least 37 years.
Nick "Honey Badger" Cummins is a bit of a different Bachelor, and on paper it's for all the right reasons. See, he comes across as a bit of an average Joe - if you can look past the golden curls, international rugby career and near-perfect physique.
He's so down to earth he's practically underground and his one-liners are so good they made him famous long before Network Ten gave him the tap on the shoulder.
But does Honey Badger’s schtick translate well on screen? In the launch episode we're treated to a great many Australian-isms from Cummins and the good news is they don't seem to fall flat - especially not in the minds of the women he meets at the (shiny new) Bachelor mansion.
"I'm the flamin' Bachelor," the former Wallaby says in the show's intro.
"I'm nervous as a goose in a doona factory," he tells us when he talks about being on the show.
"Holy Moses, I hope they like moustaches," he says about his chances with the women.
And that's just within the first 10 minutes.
Soon, 25 beautiful women are rolling through the reality TV gates and into the consciousness of the Honey Badger - and these ladies have their game faces on.
A few stand out for the right reasons - like 23-year-old Brooke, from WA, who has no idea who Cummins is and happens to bring two footballs along as a greeting gift (she plays the game herself - all three codes). Cummins was taken with her straight away. "She's got no idea who I am," he tells the camera, "and it's bloody refreshing."
And then there's Brittany, 30, from Port Macquarie, who happens to have been born in the same hospital as the Bachelor, in the same year. She impresses him with her easy nature and confidence and she seems equally smitten with him.
So far, seems like Honey Badger has a thing for brunettes whose names begin with B.
We're six seasons in now so we know how this show works - the Bachelor meets all the women, we're only privy to the ones he had something of a connection with or who deliver on entertainment value (you can spot these ones by the quirky, cartoon-like music they play as they introduce them) and then we move onto the really interesting part of the night: the first cocktail party.
At tonight's party, Cat, a 24-year-old fashion designer who lives in Bali, positions herself as the villain of the series.
She's loud, confident and sounds like she's taken lessons from the Keira Maguire book of Bachelor one-liners, and she quickly finds a way to cause a small scene.
Spying a woman she recognised, Cat realised said woman - Sophie, 25, from Queensland - is romantically linked to her ex-boyfriend.
No one really knows why, but Cat makes it her mission to reveal Sophie's personal life in front of everyone - but unfortunately for her, barely anyone bats an eyelid. Sophie confirms she went on a few dates with the guy, but it's over, case closed.
It's a storm in one of those red-tinted champagne flutes they're all holding and while it doesn't reveal much about Sophie - whom Cummins has taken a strong liking to, FYI - it does speak volumes of Cat.
One woman jumps into the pool in her gown to attract Nick's attention, but he doesn't notice. It's awkward, especially when she has to haul herself out of the pool while everyone carries on chatting around her.
And then there's Cass. She's got history with Cummins - the pair go to the same gym and appear to have gone on a few dates - and she likes to remind everyone all the time.
Within a few minutes of meeting Cass, it's clear she's going to be portrayed as the clingy one. And boy, she really takes on the role with gusto. She keeps her eye on Cummins all night, often seems near tears and is so nervous she can barely make conversation with the guy.
She's done all but profess her love for him in the first episode and, in the rose ceremony, she genuinely looks close to passing out as he gives roses to many of the women before her. When she finally gets one, you could feel her relief through the TV screen.
Cass' intensity has caught the attention of some of the other women, who seem to want the best for her... but some can't resist a few digs. "Is this girl for real?" asks this season's designated commentator, Alisha. "I hope Nick doesn't have any pet bunnies at home, 'cause I'd be locking them in their hutches."
The star of the night is Brooke, who is the clear frontrunner at this point. She receives the coveted prize: a key to Cummins' Bachelor pad, which she can use for one-on-one time with the guy.
Cummins is very taken with her - he even mentions that she might make him believe in love at first sight - so you'd be wise to assume she'll be in the top three by season's end.
Putting a lovable larrikin like Nick "Honey Badger" Cummins in the hot seat of this Ten vehicle will either turn out to be a stroke of genius or a bit of a misfire - and as is wont to happen with this show, we’ll potentially only know the answer after the finale, when the nation collectively decides if they are happy or sad with the outcome.
Judging from episode one alone, we're going with the former - the entertainment value so far is undeniable.