Column 8

Witty arborists are a thing now. Following up on Clive Waterman's spotting of the Tree Wise Men (C8) comes this from Peter Craig of Alexandria: "When we had need of an arborist, there was a classified ad for a company called The Tree Fellers. A young Irish bloke came around to give us a quote. 'Clever name,' I said. 'It must get you plenty of business.'
'Nah,' he said. 'It’s because it’s just da tree of us'."

And it would appear that witty pub signs (C8) have always been a thing. David Dolphin of Summer Hill says: “A pub I frequented in the UK had a big barrel full of murky water with some string nailed to its side stating: ‘Water otter lives here. Pull string gently to bring it to the surface.’ The unsuspecting were surprised to find it was a kettle.” Jim Pollitt of Wahroonga recalls one from the Birdsville Hotel which suggests punters “Try our seven course lunch special. Only $15 – a six pack and a pie.” Similarly, Bill Wilkinson of Tumbarumba writes: “Many years ago I called into a little pub in far western Queensland. A sign announced ‘Fresh fish and chips $2’. I inquired how fresh the fish was and was informed that it was ‘as fresh as the day it was caught’. I ordered it for lunch and much to the amusement of the other patrons, was handed a plate, a knife and fork, a can of sardines and a packet of potato crisps.”

The recent condom recall (C8) got Garth Clarke of North Sydney thinking: “Given the average bloke's legendary embarrassment at having to ask the chemist for a packet of the things, how much more shy is he going to be having to ask for his money back?”

Don Bain of Port Macquarie says: “I recall condoms ... at least I think I do.”

Although Europe's heatwave is no place for woolly jumpers, Terry Jones of Darling Point reports: “My wife and I recently returned from the UK and are delighted to report that, despite the alleged heatwave, all of the lambs continue to gambol responsibly.”

Still on Europe's hot spell, Nola Tucker of Kiama thinks "it's time for some Aussie common sense in heatwave-afflicted Europe. I have watched the news marvelling at how few people, including small children, wear hats or any kind of cover-up protection while out in the blazing sun."

Column8@smh.com.au (no attachments please). Twitter: @Column8SMH (include name, suburb, daytime phone)