Social Influencer Disease

I have found a new and very profitable career for myself.

What is it?

It’s new and completely different from the usual mundane ones like lawyer, CA, MBA, finance, etc.

What is this new career you are excited about?

It’s called Social Influencer.

What is that, never heard of it?

It’s a person who influences the opinions and views of society in general in all walks of life.

How is this done?

It is done through social media only and it is a very paying profession much better than any right now.

Please tell me more about it. It sounds amazing.

There are companies, organisations, brands, labels, stores, restaurants, cosmetics, tourism, fashion, designers, etc. who all want the publicity that reaches the masses and classes.

Okay, that’s natural.

So I am on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, YouTube and even Tinder.

Okay, that’s very tech savvy of you.

All the brands, companies, stores, labels and even individuals, retain me to promote them on social media and influence the public.

That’s good but how is it more profitable?

I am like a mini advertising-cum-PR agency. I charge for promoting them.

Okay sounds interesting but how is it more profitable?

Well, ad and PR agencies charge their clients for campaigns. I charge by the words, lines, and paragraphs I write to influence the public.

Wow, that’s good so how much do you charge?

If it’s a couple of words then my fee runs into thousands of rupees.

That is quite a lot!

If it’s a couple of lines then my fee is a few lakhs.

You are amazing!

If I have to write a paragraph then it’s a few million.

That is unbelievable. Why would any company pay you so much for a few words, lines or paragraphs?

They pay because I work very hard. It’s a 24 x 7 job, which I do, and it’s more strenuous than a 9 to 5 job that normal people do.

What is so strenuous about just writing a few words, lines or paragraphs? 

It is very hectic. I have to do it per client at least 2-3 times a day and I have a long list of clients.

Okay, I understand, but that still doesn’t warrant you getting such a lot of money.

They pay me because I have a huge following that runs into billions of people who will read my posts.

You have billions of followers, how did you manage that?

Well if you want to be a great social influencer then you have to also spend money.

What do you mean by that?

How do you think I have billions of followers?

I don’t know please tell me.

I buy them of course, so my expenses are as high as my income. I spread the good word about all products, brands, companies, fashion, designers, individuals, trends, etc. whether they are good or bad.

That’s a little dishonest of you since you call yourself a social influencer. You are more like a social disease infecting everyone with your fake news and information.