NOT about The Hug: Let’s have an upgraded Kiss-ah Politics Ka

Rahul Gandhi smashed the Modipoly last Friday. In the ensuing week, The Hug has been squeezed to death by pundits, comics and those who are both or neither. Here’s  an alternative scenario. What if  RaGa had been cheekier, and given NaMo a kiss? Instead of being visibly startled, would the object of such unwanted affection have  fallen off his chair? And would the Chair have thrown out Rahul instead of merely pulling him up? Certainly ‘hate-filled’ PM-ji would not have turned the other cheek.

During that showstopper of July 20,  Nirmala Sitharaman threw not just old-fashioned daggers, but eye-borne missiles at the insolent intruder into the Treasury benches. Even though Rahul wouldn’t have dared subject her to my imaginary ‘K’ attack, Ms Sitharaman would have pursed her Lakshman-rekha lips more primly. Even routinely, she gives the impression that she wants our borders to be as tightly sealed.

Earlier that Famous Friday, Rahul had raised the stern Def Min’s hackles by raising the issue of  overpriced Rafale fighter planes. However  tempting, i’ll refrain from bringing a French kiss into my Hug Alternative. Only allow me to point out that such a bisou erotique could perfectly describe political bhasha and bhashans. Don’t our devious netas usually ‘speak in tongues’? Why, for this French deal itself, both BJP and Congress have accused each other of dissembling over the terms of secrecy.

NaMo may have made hugging kosher, but kissing will always remain No-sher. Even bhai-bhai kisses are not part of our glorious Hindu culture. As for the sexual man-woman (or, Hai-hai!, man-man), any physical public display of affection unleashes a physical public display of the opposite. Still if,  just for  a column’s sake, Rahul had bestowed a peck instead of a hug,  imagine how much more lip it would generate.

It wouldn’t have been mouth-to-mouth ( Euw!), but some would call it a resuscitation of Rahul’s political career. As sarcastically or seriously, it would be dubbed a ‘kiss of life’ for the Congress too. Or think about this. Since he clearly isn’t capable of the complex Modi-Shah machinations, Rahul-still-Baba could benefit even from this acronym of  ‘Keep It Simple, Stupid!’.

***

Alec Smart said: “ We gave the world ‘Ahimsa’; now we’ve lynched it.”