Are you a parent? Then read on…
Tackling parent-child conflicts
Vandana (name changed), a working woman, was going through a trying phase. Her son had stopped paying heed to her and threw fits at smallest things. She decided to take parent counselling which opened her eyes. Vandana realised her son behaved in unruly manner to seek attention as she hardly spent time with him due to work pressure. She mended her ways and started giving attention to his needs. Today, her son’s like any loving 10-year-old and even cooks for her.
Vandana is not alone. There are several parents who face similar situation with their kids. Experts say a child’s behaviour and personality is moulded by their childhood experiences. If their problems are not checked at an early age, the traits may amplify and create psychological problems later in life.
Looking at rising cases of parentchild conflict, Special Director of Anti-Corruption Bureau Hasmukh Patel launched “Parenting for Peace” programme in 2017 to provide free counselling to parents so that they could raise their wards with love and affection. The programme has trained 300 volunteers who, in turn, have counselled over 4,000 parents in Ahmedabad.
Parenting for Peace
Under the initiative, trained volunteers visit housing societies, schools, clubs and public gardens to reach out to target group and provide free counselling sessions. Parents are taught a systematic syllabus for three months and informed about various aspects of rearing and nurturing young ones. The course covers issues like happy parenting, responsibility, storytelling, media impact, good touch and bad touch, adolescent parenting etc. The sessions are provided free of cost.
Hasmukh Patel said, “Every professional undergoes training. Then, why not parents? Children are quick learners and childhood leaves a lasting impression on them. The workshop aids parents to better understand psychology of kids. We also teach them practical solutions like ‘a family which eats and prays together, stays together’.”
The workshops have been held at Surat, Bhavnagar, Ahmedabad, Valsad and many other cities of Gujarat. It initiative has spread to other cities of India like Bengaluru, Mangalore, Pune, Nagpur and Delhi.
Need for parenting workshops
Talking to Mirror, Dr Bhatt said: “Childhood experiences frame psyche in adult life. For example, Hitler wasn’t treated well by his father during his childhood whereas Gandhiji’s mother practiced fasting as an important tenet of life. Gandhiji’s father didn’t scold him when he confessed of stealing, instead tears rolled from his eyes and he forgave his son. We all know what Hitler and Gandhi did later in life. One ordered killing of millions while the other led a nation to Independence using fasting and non-violence as tools.”
Commenting on deteriorating parenting these days, Bharat Shah said nuclear families often see conflicts if both parents are working and there’s no immediate family member to look after needs of kids for several hours a day.
“Parents pamper kids a lot but at the same time harbour lots of expectations from them. When not fulfilled, they scold or beat their kids. Internet and media exposure imposes on family bonding time and parents’ busy schedules don’t allow them to monitor kids. All these factors lead to conflicts,” he said.
What parents say
Tejal Shah, whose two daughters study in Ahmedabad International School, said, “I make sure to calmly explain my kids about the repercussions for them, as well as for others, when they behave aggressively. I strongly believe that rather than punishing children, counselling is better.”
Another parent Sudhir Narayan, whose son studies in Class 7 at Kendriya Vidhyalaya in Chandkheda, said, “Matter worsens when children are punished. They have to be told both the positive and negative fallouts of a situation. In fact, parents need to be more adept at handling situations than kids.”
Schools also take note
Amoli Patell, Vice-Principal of Pre-Primary at Zebar School for Children, said teachers have too many students to handle but the school sees to it that every child gets enough attention. “We have inhouse counsellors and teachers are trained to note smallest changes in students’ behaviour. We recently had a case of a four-year-old who was violent.
He used to bite, slap and hit teachers and fellow students. We took parents into confidence and even I started spending 30 minutes with him daily. We realised that the child needed love, affection and understanding which he started getting from his teachers and parents. Today, he’s out of it and we even promoted him to Senior KG. Besides counselling the kid, we also counselled his parents.”
Nivedita Ganguli, Principal of DAV International School, said, “We have two counsellors in our school. We focus on both pro-active counselling and curative counseling. There are remedial programmes in our school wherein we conduct activities related to managing emotions and bonding activities. We also give case studies to students so that they can analyse their own actions.”
What counsellors say
Meenakshi Kirante, Founder-Director of “Maanas - The Inside Story”, which works for child wellbeing, said, “Children should be taught about life skills and psychological self-awareness, at home and in the school. This will help them manage their feelings and themselves better. Most kids today don’t have proper avenues to dissipate their energy and aggression. Being regularly involved in some form of sports provides natural channelisation. With rising violence and suicide among students, psychological health issues will soon be the next epidemic in our country if timely measures to provide emotional support to young and adolescent students are not taken.”
Tips for parents
1. Don’t shout, be judgmental or compare your kid with others. Don’t argue while dealing with teens and learn to tackle them with love
2. Children not eating properly or not paying enough attention to studying are the most common complaints. Inculcate happy learning and teach them how to enjoy eating
3. Practice what you preach. Parents need to be role models to kids who watch their every action
4. Give lots of love and growth fostering latitude
5. Effective communication and good listening are key to understanding your child better
Parenting for Peace can be contacted at: dr.nishchalbhatt@gmail.com
Vandana is not alone. There are several parents who face similar situation with their kids. Experts say a child’s behaviour and personality is moulded by their childhood experiences. If their problems are not checked at an early age, the traits may amplify and create psychological problems later in life.
Looking at rising cases of parentchild conflict, Special Director of Anti-Corruption Bureau Hasmukh Patel launched “Parenting for Peace” programme in 2017 to provide free counselling to parents so that they could raise their wards with love and affection. The programme has trained 300 volunteers who, in turn, have counselled over 4,000 parents in Ahmedabad.
Parenting for Peace
Hasmukh Patel was supported by Dr Nishchal Bhatt, Child Specialist and President of Academy of Paediatrics, Gujarat, and Bharat Shah, Founder-Trustee of Aadarsh Amdavad, an NGO that works towards improving quality of life of citizens.
Under the initiative, trained volunteers visit housing societies, schools, clubs and public gardens to reach out to target group and provide free counselling sessions. Parents are taught a systematic syllabus for three months and informed about various aspects of rearing and nurturing young ones. The course covers issues like happy parenting, responsibility, storytelling, media impact, good touch and bad touch, adolescent parenting etc. The sessions are provided free of cost.
Hasmukh Patel said, “Every professional undergoes training. Then, why not parents? Children are quick learners and childhood leaves a lasting impression on them. The workshop aids parents to better understand psychology of kids. We also teach them practical solutions like ‘a family which eats and prays together, stays together’.”
The workshops have been held at Surat, Bhavnagar, Ahmedabad, Valsad and many other cities of Gujarat. It initiative has spread to other cities of India like Bengaluru, Mangalore, Pune, Nagpur and Delhi.
Need for parenting workshops
Talking to Mirror, Dr Bhatt said: “Childhood experiences frame psyche in adult life. For example, Hitler wasn’t treated well by his father during his childhood whereas Gandhiji’s mother practiced fasting as an important tenet of life. Gandhiji’s father didn’t scold him when he confessed of stealing, instead tears rolled from his eyes and he forgave his son. We all know what Hitler and Gandhi did later in life. One ordered killing of millions while the other led a nation to Independence using fasting and non-violence as tools.”
Commenting on deteriorating parenting these days, Bharat Shah said nuclear families often see conflicts if both parents are working and there’s no immediate family member to look after needs of kids for several hours a day.
“Parents pamper kids a lot but at the same time harbour lots of expectations from them. When not fulfilled, they scold or beat their kids. Internet and media exposure imposes on family bonding time and parents’ busy schedules don’t allow them to monitor kids. All these factors lead to conflicts,” he said.
What parents say
Tejal Shah, whose two daughters study in Ahmedabad International School, said, “I make sure to calmly explain my kids about the repercussions for them, as well as for others, when they behave aggressively. I strongly believe that rather than punishing children, counselling is better.”
Another parent Sudhir Narayan, whose son studies in Class 7 at Kendriya Vidhyalaya in Chandkheda, said, “Matter worsens when children are punished. They have to be told both the positive and negative fallouts of a situation. In fact, parents need to be more adept at handling situations than kids.”
Schools also take note
Amoli Patell, Vice-Principal of Pre-Primary at Zebar School for Children, said teachers have too many students to handle but the school sees to it that every child gets enough attention. “We have inhouse counsellors and teachers are trained to note smallest changes in students’ behaviour. We recently had a case of a four-year-old who was violent.
He used to bite, slap and hit teachers and fellow students. We took parents into confidence and even I started spending 30 minutes with him daily. We realised that the child needed love, affection and understanding which he started getting from his teachers and parents. Today, he’s out of it and we even promoted him to Senior KG. Besides counselling the kid, we also counselled his parents.”
Nivedita Ganguli, Principal of DAV International School, said, “We have two counsellors in our school. We focus on both pro-active counselling and curative counseling. There are remedial programmes in our school wherein we conduct activities related to managing emotions and bonding activities. We also give case studies to students so that they can analyse their own actions.”
What counsellors say
Meenakshi Kirante, Founder-Director of “Maanas - The Inside Story”, which works for child wellbeing, said, “Children should be taught about life skills and psychological self-awareness, at home and in the school. This will help them manage their feelings and themselves better. Most kids today don’t have proper avenues to dissipate their energy and aggression. Being regularly involved in some form of sports provides natural channelisation. With rising violence and suicide among students, psychological health issues will soon be the next epidemic in our country if timely measures to provide emotional support to young and adolescent students are not taken.”
Tips for parents
1. Don’t shout, be judgmental or compare your kid with others. Don’t argue while dealing with teens and learn to tackle them with love
2. Children not eating properly or not paying enough attention to studying are the most common complaints. Inculcate happy learning and teach them how to enjoy eating
3. Practice what you preach. Parents need to be role models to kids who watch their every action
4. Give lots of love and growth fostering latitude
5. Effective communication and good listening are key to understanding your child better
Parenting for Peace can be contacted at: dr.nishchalbhatt@gmail.com
Hitler wasn’t treated well by his father during his childhood whereas Gandhiji’s mother practised fasting. One went on to kill millions, the other became nation’s father
-Dr Nishchal Bhatt, Parenting for Peace
-Dr Nishchal Bhatt, Parenting for Peace
Even professionals need training. Then, why not parents? Childhood experiences leave a lasting impression on kids. The workshop aids parents understand kids better.
-Hasmukh Patel, Parenting for Peace
-Hasmukh Patel, Parenting for Peace
With rising violence and suicide among students, psychological health issues will soon be an epidemic in our country if timely emotional support is not given to students
-Meenakshi Kirtane, counsellor
-Meenakshi Kirtane, counsellor
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