World Cup 2018: Groups A and B get set for finales, Argentina news – live updates!

“I guess “Vermaelen v Welbeck, lip smacking!” is a reference to this?” emails James Errington.

Yes, I know you’re vexed about the football that isn’t on your screen, but we’re about ready to start contemplating this afternoon’s entertainment. My guess is that we’ll see few goals: Russia need a rest after their lungbusting efforts while Uruguay will uruguay for they are Urguay. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia and Egypt just aren’t good enough to score any goals.

Oooh yeah. Here’s Jacob Steinberg’s World Cup Fiver. Try not to get too excited.

“Vermaelen v Welbeck, lip smacking!” enthuses Dan Friedman; aren’t we all, with this weather we’re having. “Just like the battle of the Arsenal keepers yesterday which current reserve keeper Ospina won easily despite FA Cup Szczesny not making any obvious Caballeros.”

It looked a lot like he was keen to though, and it’s the thought that counts. And as it goes, I thought Khadim N’Diaye’s effort from yesterday was almost as good – I was extremely taken with how he fruitlessly flew back following the initial error. I was less taken with what this meant for my betting slip.

I wonder what will happen to Lingard next season, though. If Mourinho is desperate to include Matic every game, with Fred and Pogba also around, there’s no midfield space, so he might need to play from the right. He’s capable of it, but a decent right-back would make it much easier.

Jesseh Lingard, then. There’s still plenty of work to do - he has a tendency to disappear from games, and needs more consistency in his finishing of easy chances. But he makes the players around him play better, has excellent pace and movement, can do special things, and isn’t scared. Alex Ferguson, Louis van Gaal, Rio Ferdinand, Paul Scholes, Jose Mourhino and Gareth Southgate all rate him - it might not matter so much that your da/boyfriend/you don’t.

“Re your last post about Madrid players performing well, tweets Mike Emery. “The Man Utd players are also doing surprisingly well. Lukaku, Lingard, Young, Pogba. All except De Gea, oddly.”

Yes, that’s true. Lukaku is benefitting from proper service, while Lingard has been helped by playing in his position against miserable opposition. All of that lot have plenty to prove when things get real next week.

An interesting element of this World Cup is how well the Real Madrid players are playing, because Madrid are great on the basis of great players rather than any great team cohesion. This does not make them less great, it simply makes them different, and the interventions of Kroos, Modric and Ronaldo have amplified that.

I enjoyed this.

“Can’t wait for Phil Jones vs Michi Batshuayi when Europe’s heavyweights battle it out later this week,” tweets Dan Friedman.

I’m more into Thomas Vermaelen v Daniel Welbeck, which will take us right back to good old 2011.

I’d love to see full-strength England v full-strength Belgium. I’m not certain England could get close to De Bruyne in midfield, and I also fancy Lukaku wouldn’t mind facing England’s back-three. But I don’t think any team will relish facing England’s attackers, nor the running they’d be forced to do.

Roselaar has tweeted to let us know that: “Belgian press reporting Belgium will field ‘B team’ against England: replacements for Vertongen (yellow card), Meunier (yellow card), De Bruyne (yellow card), Lukaku, Hazard and Mertens.

Fair enough. Annoying, but fair enough.

“Hi Daniel,” begins Antonio Andre. “Spain and Morocco actually share more than the Melilla land border. “The City of Ceuta is also a Spanish enclave surrounded by Moroccan territory.”

Ah. I appear to know more about penny sweets sold in the newsagents of north west London than I do about important geographical facts.

When was the last time the World Cup was won by the country which looked the best in the group stages? 1990 perhaps, when Germany started by handing Yugoslavia one of the great trouncings.

If Game of Thrones vibe is your thing.

Apparently Sergio Aguero, Argentina’s only goalscorer so far, will be dropped for the crucial game against Nigeria. this punishment for trying to get the manager sacked. Yeah, who are players to have an opinion on who (mis)manages them? Apparently, Angel di Maria and Ever Banega will also play instead of Marcos Acuna and Enzo Perez, while Willy Caballero has also been dropped in case he tries a dink pass that costs a goal again.

“Why didn’t Kyle Walker get himself booked yesterday?” asks Richard Powell. “Can already see Phil Jones’s gurning face as he brings down Coutinho/Neymar/Özil/Reus in the box in last minute of the quarter final.”

Yeah, but England will be 1966-0 up by then, so not to worry.

“Here in Norway NRK have women as their summariser,” emails Bob O’Hara, “and it doesn’t seem at all odd. Now Jan Mølby summarising in Danish still with his Scouse accent; that sounds strange.”

On which point, enjoy this on his lost and found goal against Manchester United by Gregg Bakowski.

Lessons for ignoramii: “Spain and Morocco share a land border,” tweets @nikiforenko666, and indeed they do. I am now cognisant of the Melilla fence.

How should England go about the Belgium game? My guess is they’ll leave out anyone carrying a knock or on a yellow card, but otherwise will set about it. Here’s Stuart James on Belgium’s weakness out wide.

Who needs what? Find aht ere.

YELLOW TICKER: Sky are now interviewing a child with a John Stones mask on, pretending to be John Stones.

For those less well-versed in Portuguese than me, this is Ronaldo asking Iran fans to keep it down, as he’s trying to sleep. Yeah, that’ll work.

Sky Sports News have just called Spain v Morocco a “local derby”. Which it almost is: the Straits of Gibraltar are 8.9 miles wide, so I think we’d have to shed the “local”, but otherwise the countries are far closer than, say, Watford and Luton of Fordshire derby fame.

I could while away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers,
Consulting with the rain.

Alternatively, I could do this, and so could you.

“Re Talksport,” emails Christian Storm, “they should be reminded that John Motson literally squeaked his way through his last couple of years commentating and nobody batted an eyelid. Also, I’m very hungover at my desk and accidentally played this clip. Now everybody is looking.”

Nah, they were looking at you already and still are. They can taste the self-loathing.

“What I don’t get, is how or why some of the players seem to wear long sleeves or even an extra layer under their shirts,” emails Matt Salter.

“When I played in AJY U-12s for Barnet Shul, it didn’t matter if there was ice on the ground, our manager made us wear short sleeves with no vests and said that way we would run more to keep warm (he was a nice guy, really was). But these internationals are playing in 30 degrees heat and still some of them with long sleeves and other layers.

What’s that about?”

I too am an alumnus of the AJY league. I think it was there I developed my passion for beaten teams crying at full-time. As for your question, I wonder if part of it is nipple-protection, and I also think that some of the undergarments offer a circulatory benefit. As we know, marginal gains beat talent and doping every time.

So: was Harry Kane’s hat-trick the stuffiest ever scored? Others worthy of a shout:

• Dirk Kuyt for Liverpool v Manchester United in 2011, the goals coming from a combined distance of 1.792 yards.
  
• Ronaldo’s hat-trick of penalties v Argentina (all of which he won) in 2004