Stay safe. If there has been abuse of any kind, it may not be safe or healthy to reconnect with a family member, no matter how tempting it is to think things will be different now. Consider seeking advice from a specialist organisation or a counsellor.

Consider the causes. Reflect on the reasons for the estrangement. It will be much harder to repair the relationship if you don’t both acknowledge what went wrong – and either or both of you may be making assumptions about the other’s actions. But try not to obsess if you can’t identify clear reasons why your relative has cut off contact with you. Avoid going over and over what may have gone wrong, as well as cycles of recrimination and distress.

An estrangement may be necessary in order for both sides to grow and reflect on events. There could be an opportunity for learning to come out of this, and you may find it easier to build bridges once wounds begin to heal.

Build bridges. If possible, keep lines of communication open by sending the occasional friendly card and message. If you want to heal the rift, is it appropriate to send an apology and a request to meet? Always take care not to overwhelm your relative if they’re not ready for contact. If they don’t reply to several attempts, or push back firmly, leave them alone for a while longer.

Keep busy. Develop your own life and interests and look after yourself and your own needs, especially on important family occasions and celebrations where your relative’s absence will be felt more acutely.

• With advice from Barbara Bloomfield, Relate counsellor, relate.org.uk