So, it's Father's Day and you realize that you can no longer give your dad a box of golf balls or a tie. Going out to lunch is complicated, too. You have to factor in his medication schedule, your food sensitivities, and maybe hearing aids for both of you. Why are restaurants so noisy?

When you are of a certain age, and your dad is of a certain older age, how do you celebrate this day?

It comes on fast — you are trying to find the right place to stand in relationship with your father. His bank accounts are confusing, and he can't keep track of his bills, so will you take away his credit cards just like you took the car keys a few years ago? Remember how that went?

Taking care of an older parent isn't new, but to be the one saying yea or nay to menu and housing choices puts adult children in places we never expected to travel to emotionally. We may be comforted intellectually by knowing that this is "the right thing to do," but no one prepares us for the emotional wrenching of parenting our own parent.

As each generation lives longer, more of us will find ourselves in the Sandwich Generation, with kids of our own and parents whose needs mirror those of the kids.

When I compare notes with friends, we realize we now cover the same topics with our parents as we did with our children. We talk about drugs and alcohol, driving, depression, money, and even sex.

I go to the bookstore and transpose book titles in the Parenting section to get at the heart of this role reversal. There is the "What to Expect" series for new moms, and "Talking So Your Teen Will Listen" for later, but where is "What to expect when your parents get old" or "How to talk so your 90-year-old mother can hear you"?

With our own kids we attended parenting workshops to learn to be assertive-yet-loving. We were advised to send a clear message about who is the adult. Well, who is the adult in the land of aging parents?

Back then we nervously let our kids blow their money to experience the natural consequence of their choices. Should we allow our parents to do the same?

Perhaps the best we can do is to take advantage of the fact that our own future caretakers are standing right beside us when we tell Grandpa that he can't drive or spend his money on what he wants.

And it's going to happen: A man or woman reaching age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until 85. So, you will be on the other side of the driving test and the fuss over finances someday.

Maybe the most important Father's Day gift you can give this year is a gift to your kids. Take them to lunch after you visit your dad and tell them, "Someday this will be you and me, and I am now giving you permission, when the day comes, to take away my car keys and my credit cards — and to remind me how painful this was."

Promise them that they don't have to make any promises to you about what happens later. Tell them that you want them to be able to live their lives and take care of their own families when these roles reverse. Because soon — and it will come fast -— they will be visiting you on Father's Day and wondering what to do.

Diane Cameron is a Capital Region writer. DianeOCameron@gmail.com.

Find a selection of reader-submitted Father's Day reflections at timesunion.com/opinion.