CHENNAI : My elder daughter Janani was 11 and my second, Sujani, was barely three years old, when they lost their mother to pulmonary arterial hypertension. She was diagnosed with the condition after giving birth to our second child and her health progressively deteriorated. But, I never thought she would leave us. In fact, the day we admitted her in the hospital for treatment, I was so hopeful that she was going to survive. But life took a different turn, and I was devastated. Sujani was just nine days old when the doctor advised my wife to stop breastfeeding, due to her condition, and Janani after 11 years of being guided by her mother, was left with an irreplaceable void.
I was lost, but I had to rise to the occasion. My daughters needed me and I needed them. I became ‘Thayumanavan’, one who is a father and a mother. From waking them up in the morning, preparing them for school, polishing their shoes, making breakfast, feeding them, to dropping and picking them up from school and everything in between and beyond, I did it all. Even today when they come home, I make them their favourite food. Janani likes her dal rice to be finely mashed, just the way her mother used to make it for her, while Sujani loves different types of sandwiches and eggs. I make it according to their liking. But Janani is a picky eater, and I still struggle to make her eat.
Every afternoon, I used to pick them up from school in my Peugeot car and then we used to decide our destination for the evening. I used to take them to different restaurants, we went to the beach almost every day and to any place they wanted to visit. I still remember teaching Sujani to ride a bicycle at Somasundaram ground in T Nagar. I used to run behind her. Now, both my daughters are excellent drivers and they teach me something new every day. They’ve even taught me to make payments online and also to use the Google speech app.
We are avid travellers and go on international trips twice a year. Recently, we visited Australia and my daughters tried deep sea diving. I had my heart in my mouth till they came out of the water... I even told the instructor that I wanted my two souls back safely. Maternal or paternal instinct? I would say, both.
It was certainly challenging to raise my children without letting them feel the absence of their mother and I am not sure how well I have fared as a parent without my wife, but I know that I have done my best. Be it their Annual day, parent-teacher meeting or any other meet, I’ve been there. What I loved the most was helping them out with projects and props for their theatre performances.
Once, I made a life-size wooden chariot frame for a Geetha Ubathesam scene in which Janani acted. I was so thrilled. I am a proud parent. But on days when I questioned myself, my daughters came to my rescue and reassured me that I was doing a good job. They made the journey easier... They are ambitious, level-headed and driven, they chose their careers and have been doing very well. They’ve never put me in any sort of trouble... what more can I ask for? But I would be lying if I said that they aren't naughty.
My mother-in-law, my wife’s sisters, and my family stood by me the whole time. For instance, when my daughters attained puberty, they shared the news first with their grandmother. They share a very close bond with her. My daughters later went on to teach me about what women go through during enstruation, about mood swings and the pain. Today, when they are on their period, they don’t hesitate to talk to me about it. For a single father to be everything, a mother, a father and a friend is an extremely daunting yet rewarding experience.
When my wife passed away about 20 years ago, I thought that I had lost everything. But, I cleared my mind and held my daughters’ hands. They have taken me forward in life and have shown me to look at life with a brave face.
