Suicide: Dying with dignity and on her terms

What I wish I had told my much loved brother

The suicides of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade have elicited varied responses in opinion and letters pages. As I read this, I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated. Encouraging people to reach out for support from family, friends, medical professionals and services such as Lifeline is completely appropriate. These actions can, and do, save lives. But it places a large onus on the vulnerable individual to act rationally when they may be at their most irrational.

When they feel isolated, overwhelmed and confused, some people will look to escape rather than connect with the world. Asking for help may seem impossible to them. Perhaps, as loved ones, we need to be more proactive. To wrap our arms around them, poke our noses into their business, take charge and make the decisions that will keep them safe. My brother was intelligent, successful and much loved. He was also overwhelmed by depression. I wish I had said to him, "I am here, and I will see you through this. Trust me to do this for you".

Robert Boyd, Richmond

Alienation, an experience of profound emptiness

I am a consultant psychologist. The thing that most strikes me about people struggling with suicidal thought is their profound alienation. One thing I know is that it can be helpful to assist such a person to work out sources of that alienation, but it is a waste of time, subsequently, to remind them of what they find out or to point out the many things I can see that might give their lives purpose.

Alienation is an experience of profound emptiness that, fortunately, most of us never experience. Successful engagement from friends, and in therapy, requires love, careful listening, honesty and appreciation of the validity of the other. With these, and with luck, over time, something of the alienation can be relieved and the person can find something of the magic in being alive that most of us take for granted.

George Wills, Mount Dandenong

Blame the disease, don't blame the person who died

Gillian Tindall writes of the effect the suicide of her mother had on her (Comment, 12/6). She states that it was a "betrayal of love and trust for a mother to turn her back in such a way".

Depression does this to you. It robs you of all insight. It speaks to you in dark tones that you are a drain on everyone and everything. You honestly start to believe that everyone is better off without you, that you are doing them all a favour.

I should know. I tried to kill myself a few years ago but was fortunately unsuccessful and, with the right help and medications, am now well. At its most severe, depression becomes a disease of insight. Gillian blames her mother for her experience, but she should blame the disease.

Name withheld, Surrey Hills

For help contact: Lifeline 13 11 14;

beyondblue 1300 224

THE FORUM

Understanding the North

Korea north of the 38th Parallel, now conveniently dubbed a "rogue state", suffered massively from the relentless US bombing blitz in the early 1950s. The campaign razed towns and cities, and destroyed villages, industry and agriculture. An estimated 3million civilians were killed.

The frenzied militarism of North Korea in recent decades needs to be understood as an consequence of that unrestrained American onslaught, which included the use of napalm. In the light of American military adventurism around the world since the 1950s, Donald Trump, quite aside from the issues as to his personal suitability for diplomacy, began his discussions with the North Koreans with an enormous trust deficit.

Michael Faulkner, Toora

Vlad's secret knowledge

Republican strategist Stephen Schmidt stated that if Donald Trump "behaves like a Russian asset, maybe it's because he is one" (The Age, 11/6). Perhaps it time to ask the key question. What exactly does Vladimir Putin have over Trump that ensures he is now, and could continue to be, an asset?

Alison Davies, Surrey Hills

What next from Trump?

Not a day goes by without something staggering emanating from Donald Trump. His latest suggestion is that Russia should be readmitted to the G7 (The Age, 11/6). Russia undermines elections, attacks dissidents in other countries and enables a passenger aircraft to be shot out of the sky, among other things.

Trump is a conman with a wrecking ball and he is using it to dismantle just about everything in the way of his super-wealthy friends. This includes dismantling US workers' rights and and nobbling the Environmental Protection Authority. We are all at risk from him and his minions. The scariest thing is that, apart from their accents, they look and sound like us, and some of our politicians look up to them for guidance.

David Legat, South Morang

Praise where it's due

Unlike your readers (Letters, 12/6), I give Donald Trump credit for arranging the meeting with Kim Jong-un, which may change the world for the better.

Michael Katzew, Doncaster

Maybe not so 'Western'

The advocates of of the study of Western civilisation emphasise the Judaeo-Christian strand of our heritage. They rarely mention that this religion was located in the Middle East for the first 3000 years of its existence.

Equally important is our Graeco-Roman heritage. This has brought us, among other things, philosophy, drama, engineering and, oh yes, democracy.

The texts of the Greeks and Romans would have been mostly lost to us if they had not been preserved and studied by Arab scholars during the (European) Dark Ages. With part of it formed in the Middle East and the other part transmitted by Arabs, how "Western" is Western civilisation?

Janet Mackenzie, Mansfield

Small, smart – and clean

Australians' love affair with SUVs is whipped up by advertising based on family fun, safety and fuel economy. It comes as no surprise to find they are unloved by Europeans (The Age, 12/6), whose awareness of fuel emissions, high density living and narrow streets have resulted in a preference for alternative transport, including small, hybrid cars.

My observation of SUVs in peak-hour traffic demonstrates their excessive use of road space, poor visibility for drivers of small cars, and often an arrogance by their drivers towards road courtesy.

Can a new generation of drivers become attracted to cars that are small, smart and sexy? Can hybrid and electronic cars prove irresistible choices? Why not significantly increase SUVs' registration and insurance costs and allow the clean-emission, small car to become today's passion?

Sally Dammery, Malvern East

Give us incentives to buy

Josh Frydenberg claims the main reasons Australians are not buying electric vehicles are the high cost and a lack of national EV charging infrastructure (The Age, 11/6).

Surely he is aware that the International Energy Agency has reported that subsidies and other tax-payer incentives are the most effective way to boost sales. Surely he is aware that the response of many countries, and even vehicle makes such as Volvo and Jaguar, indicate that EVs are the future of road transport. This is typical of the federal government's lack of action on climate change.

Peter Hogan, Fitzroy North

Long drive to recharge

I have just looked up charging stations in Victoria. There are 83Tesla stations scattered throughout the state. I have a Mitsubishi PHEV. I cannot use Tesla stations. The only stations I can use are within 30kilometres of the city. If the uptake of electric vehicles is to increase, there has to be many more stations available in rural areas. Surely with the number of manufacturers producing these vehicles, they can get together and do something about it.

Mary McCleary, Research

The fun of stripping off

Howard Hutchins, thank you for your amusing description of me as a stereotypical member of "inner-city pampered poodles" (Letters, 9/6) who has signed up to take part in photographer Spencer Tunick's Return of the Nude installation. I am a cat-owning, old, single woman who lives in a relatively cheap flat. I have signed up to "bare all" in cold July. Just for the fun of it.

Mary Walker, Richmond

Keep beaches horse-free

I am appalled that horses are allowed to train on Warrnambool's sensitive dunes and beaches, destroying nesting sites for vulnerable species – "Birds v horses in battle for beaches" (The Age, 11/6). We are losing species at an alarming rate. For 20 years, the nature parks of Phillip Island and volunteers have had limited success increasing the numbers of hooded plovers. Therefore, it is pleasing that horses are not allowed on our dunes and beaches.

Jan Fleming, Phillip Island

Bobby's one of ours

The "Sydney Broadcasting Corporation" has done it again. A story on South Melbourne's favourite son, Bob Skilton, featured footage from an Essendon-Collingwood game (ABC News, 11/6). I was surprised it did not feature the South Sydney Rabbitohs.

Colin Brown, Mitcham

Understanding the SAS

We need to have some careful reflection on the SAS saga. These soldiers are trained to kill. In Afghanistan they were in a very new and dangerous environment.

They did tours of duty in a war theatre where it was difficult to know who was the "enemy". They were on edge, 24/7, for the duration of their tour of duty. We need a much more nuanced approach to these men and their situation. Trial by media is definitely not the way to go.

Graham Reynolds, Ballarat North

A dangerous approach

Surely the problems with the Special Forces in Afghanistan is the result of asking soldiers to act as policemen. History has consistently shown this to be worse than ineffective.

Joe Wright, Greensborough

Our right to safety

On Monday, while travelling to the Latrobe Valley, I spotted an unmarked police car with flashing lights on the roadside ahead.

Knowing the new rule of slowing to 40km/h when passing emergency vehicles, I began to decelerate. Cars behind me approached at a fast rate and went around me at great speed. About 15 cars passed at the 100km/h speed limit. If the Victorian government believes this law is an important way to keep emergency workers safe (I am one), it needs to run an advertising campaign before a serious accident occurs. Or perhaps enforce the law to raise awareness.

Pete Sands, Monbulk

Time limit on Fortnite

As a VCE student who plays Fortnite, I feel it has more often that not been misrepresented in the media. At its best, it is an online experience that provides high-octane, exciting action for friends on a Friday night, where we can blow off some steam before the study cycle resumes. At its worst, it is as Madonna King describes: addictive (Comment, 8/6).

However, banning it would be like cutting off one of Hydra's heads, as there are plenty of games available to take its place. Also, if parents force teenagers to go "cold turkey", it will only create animosity between them. The cold turkey approach will only work if teens acknowledges why they are doing it and the benefits it will have in the long term.

Parents and their kids should agree on a limit on playtime. The number of "addictive" video games will grow as businesses' desire to attract more players intensifies. However, if are able to create a healthy balance, all parties will benefit.

Nishank Jain, Templestowe

What the fans really want

The "theatregoers" are still trying to interfere with our game to suit their financial interests ("'More goals, more beauty' needed in AFL: TV boss", Sport, 9/6). True supporters are interested in the contest much more than the number of goals scored. Those who continue to fiddle with the game should be identified and asked to concentrate on something irrelevant – like AFLX.

Richard Rawson, Mount Waverley

Obviously dumb questions

Tim Durbridge (Letters, 12/6) pleads for our sports people to lose the "obviously" in their comments. It is only a response to the inane questions our journalists put to them. Recently John Worsfold was asked if he preferred his winning result to the previous week's losing result. Well, obviously ...

Peter McGill, Lancefield

We can all do our bit

How heartening to read about cafes, bars and restaurants that are taking serious steps to reduce the amount of plastic they use (Good Food, 12/6). They are to be commended for taking a stand in the fight to save our planet from the ravages of plastic waste. Here is a challenge for all of us to follow suit and do what we can to cut back our use of it, no matter how small.

Joy Hayman, Blackburn North

AND ANOTHER THING

Summit

As scary as it sounds, Trump might pull this North Korea thing off.

Jonathan Lipshut, Elwood

I trust the US' demand of a denuclearised Korean Peninsula includes visits to South Korea by US submarines with nuclear warheads.

Rob Park, Surrey Hills

Imagine the stars and cast of the musical, When Donald Met Kim.

Stan Marks, Caulfield

If he's the leader of the free world, I resign.

Noel North, Malvern East

Politics

Next year's Big Freeze should feature MPs. I'd cheerfully donate $100 to see Cash go down the slide.

Michael Ryan, Balwyn North

Barnaby, when will you learn? We're sick of your whingeing and playing the victim. Go away.

Sheridan Rodgers, Berwick

Scott, most of those utes are towing caravans and are driven by retirees.

Col Fowler, Torquay

Barnaby and Vikki may have to borrow from Seb's trust fund to repay any travel expenses.

David Kerr, Geelong

Furthermore

Confiscate our troops' passports. Stop sending them overseas to invade countries. No unnecessary wars equals no war crimes.

Peter Martina, Warrnambool

Lovely to see Helen Leach's faith that Australia's our armed forces can do no wrong (11/6).

Geoff Schmidt, Fitzroy North

Why is Howard not being investigated for war crimes?

Robert Martin, Winchelsea South

How refreshing that our tennis icon presented Rafa with his trophy. Ken Rosewall's years of tennis are still remembered.

Graeme Proud, Drysdale

Who won the footy? Daniher.

Lindsay Donahoo, Wattle Glen

Patchouli for Baby Boomers (9/6)? Surely their legacy is "mission brown". Everyone has been trying to get that colour off their houses for years.

Katherine Rainbow, Ferntree Gully