Are You a Wine Alpha or a Wine Beta?

Do you snatch the wine list from the waiter and impose your preferences on the table, or sit back, sip, listen and learn? Our wine columnist surveyed friends and wine-industry insiders to determine the benefits of each position—and how not to be a jerk

MY FRIEND LORI LIKES to share great wines with friends and she isn’t above refusing a bottle from anyone if she thinks it’s subpar. Lori is a self-proclaimed “wine alpha” with strong opinions and preferences when it comes to wine. Hers is an outlook I understand since I’m often a bit of a wine alpha myself.

The subject of wine alphas, or “wine bullies” as Lori likes to call opinionated wine drinkers, came up in conversation recently when she and I and our respective spouses along with some friends were dining at a favorite...