Last updated 14:25, June 4 2018
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Maggie is in hiding worried about her children's safety. (File photo)
Maggie is in hiding worried about her children's safety. (File photo)
Maggie has to make a terrible decision. Run with her two children and break the law to escape a violent ex-husband, or stay and see if they are safe if he gets out of jail.
Two weeks ago, he was charged with allegedly assaulting the eldest child and breaching a protection order. He was held in custody.
Worried he was going to get out on bail, Maggie last week, made the decision to go into hiding.
"I may be forced to break the law to save our lives. And we did nothing wrong," she says from a safe location.
Now living at a women's refuge in the Wellington region, she has since found out he was remanded into prison, but it only provides her with breathing space.
It's a big decision. There is a Family Court parenting and guardianship order granting him access to the children, although it is currently suspended after charges were laid.
But included in the Family Court decision is that she can not leave with the children without his permission.
It means he always knows where she is.
Running means breaking that court order.
Maggie has made the decision to speak out because she knows it's not just her - there are other women at the refuge facing the same problems.
Stuff has elected not to use her real name or identify her.
She and her ex met 17 years ago. They had two children. Then six years ago she says he hit her and she left. Her decision was also about the drugs he was taking and the long-term exposure it would have on their children.
Maggie has gone into hiding at a women's refuge in the Wellington region. (File photo)
At first there was an informal arrangement for the children to be with her a week then with him for a week.
But after arguments the arrangement was formalised in the Family Court.
Things sort of worked for a bit then he allegedly assaulted another partner in front of the children. Police were involved and the Family Court suspended his contact.
He had to do an anger management course, protection orders were put in place and Maggie became more and more concerned.
When the matter was called back to the Family Court, she asked for the drug situation to be assessed. She did not want them around her kids.
"Nothing was done. It was never mentioned again."
Over time Maggie feels his mental health has suffered. Some of that she feels is the drugs and alcohol. He has breached protection orders both with uninvited contact and violence.
Then two weeks ago he is alleged to have assaulted the oldest child.
"I got a phone call from a stranger who said to me she had my [child] in her house.
He has been charged with assault on a child and breaching a protection orderbut has pleaded not guilty. The Family Court has again suspended his contact with the children.
Despite Family Court intervention, Maggie feels like the justice system is letting her down.
Maggie was terrified he would get bail.
She feels nothing will keep him away.
"On Thursday, I made the decision to pack up my house and to go to the refuge ... it's a real-life nightmare."
Maggie has done everything right , but she feels like none of that matters.
"They are just bandaids. Oh I'm sorry you - or whoever - got hurt. Here, here's a bandaid. Next!"
"The justice system is letting us down, no one can protect us and I have to put our safety first."
She says they have lost their home and while he is in prison on three meals a day, they were surviving on donated bread.
"Last Friday I felt so alone….I am left with a car and a boot load of clothes.
"We just want to be at home with the cat."
She has to go back to the Family Court again this month for another hearing.
"They don't want to be with him anymore. It feels like no one is listening to them." she says.
Maggie has had no direct contact with Oranga Tamariki nearly two weeks after the alleged assault.
Its associate regional manager, Wellington/East Coast Cassie Revel said it was a complex family situation involving vulnerable children.
She said a social worker has tried to contact Maggie to ensure she has the enough support.
Women's Refuge chief executive Dr Ang Jury says no woman should have to make this decision.
Women's Refuge chief executive Dr Ang Jury said unfortunately they often saw cases like Maggie's where women were attempting to leave violent situations to protect themselves and their children but were prevented by conflicting or contradictory judicial process.
"No mother should ever have to be forced into the position of having to choose between breaking the law, or protecting their children from harm," Jury said.
While there had been some progress in the justice system, it was clear more needed to be done, she said.
"Police and Women's Refuge can only do so much, charges can be laid and bail denied, support and advocacy given, but essentially the outcome is dependent on the court process; and this is where victim and children's rights should be paramount."
Women's Refuge has been supporting Maggie while she makes her decision.
Children's Commissioner Judge Andrew Becroft said the wellbeing of children must come first in every area of law.
"Nothing could be more important than children's needs and safety. Their voices should be front and centre.
"It's fair to say it's crucial that we listen to children's voices and get to the bottom of their concerns."
If you are in danger
Call Police on 111
Women's Refuge Crisisline 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843