The Scandi Sense diet gets its name from Scandinavia, home of Thor, and from common sense. Scandinavians have a lot of common sense, because they get very little sunlight, and sudden, impulsive actions in the dark can cause injury. Historically, Scandinavians have enjoyed a balanced diet of fish and potatoes. The Scandi Sense diet is even more balanced. The underlying principle involves the rejection of utensils. Traditionally, western societies have used utensils such as knives and forks for eating, but the Scandinavians have not allowed such biases to prejudice their thinking. They now recommend that meals should be measured in handfuls: two handfuls of vegetables, one of carbohydrate and one of protein. In addition, a spoonful of fat is permitted.
I have been trying to follow it recently, and the results have not been good. At a Chinese restaurant the other day, I measured out my portion of Chef Special Chow Mein by scooping out a handful. Driven by the need for accuracy, I carefully put back the extra noodles. Afterwards, no one else touched the noodles, and a lot of food was wasted. I got similar reactions at a wedding buffet. After I had eaten, no one else touched the dal makhni, or the butterscotch ice cream. Drinking has been a problem too, because the whisky keeps dribbling through my fingers.
But more than myself, I’m concerned about others. If this diet is to gain widespread acceptance, society will need to change. This is going to be an uphill task. The other day, I asked for a handful of gulab jamuns at Evergreen Sweet House, and things became awkward. The salesman spent a long time gazing down at the tray full of syrup, torn between his desire to sell gulab jamuns and the need to go and wash his hands. Eventually, I gave up and went away.
Apart from the social implications, this diet also suffers from a technical flaw. It gives an unfair advantage to people with large hands. They get to eat more, while the rest of us starve. The truth is, human hands vary widely in size, and this is not connected to height and weight. For example, the average American male is 5 feet 10 inches tall, and his hands are 7.44 inches long. However, Donald Trump is 6 feet 2, and his hands are 7.25 inches long. We know this because Madame Tussauds once took his measurements for a waxwork dummy. They retired the dummy in 2011, but they retained the hand.
How do you fare, hand-wise? Before adopting the Scandi Sense diet, it is essential for you to know. You can use the Donald Trump Scale to judge. If you Google ‘Donald Trump Hand Hollywood Reporter’, you will find a page which has a downloadable pdf file of his hand. Print it out and compare your hand size with his. If your hand is much larger, you may pursue the Scandi Sense diet, safe in the knowledge that you will get enough to eat. But if your hand is the same size, or much smaller, then the Scandinavian method is not for you.
In the writer’s most recent novel, Murder With Bengali Characteristics, most of the characters are Chinese, but none are depicted eating noodles