Dancing with the Stars: 'Dominatrix Suzy' is here to ruin your childhood

Suzy Cato performs a cha-cha with dance partner Matt on Dancing with the Stars.
Supplied/Three

Suzy Cato performs a cha-cha with dance partner Matt on Dancing with the Stars.

Dancing with the Stars is back, and has brought with it more threesome jokes than you can shake a sequined gown at.

This week the stars teamed up with an additional professional dancer for trio acts. Cue, like, a million Dai Henwood jokes about threesomes.

"Everyone loves a good threesome, and we have got six of them for you," he said after the glittery opening ensemble number. That's just one example.

First up were Shavaughn Ruakere and Enrique - or "Shavrique" as they'd been dubbed - who teamed up with Krystal Stewart, who was Ben Barrington's partner back in the 2015 Stars season.

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In an awkward hotel room encounter with judge Camilla, they were told they'd be doing a jive to Hey Ya by Outkast.

The routine involved some impressive spinning-on-the-floor moves that seemed a little breakdancing inspired. Was it any good? Honestly, I couldn't tell you. Having a professional dancer in the same outfit does draw attention to the celebrity dancers' flaws, I think.

Ultimately the judges were pretty lukewarm on it, giving them a combined score of 23. While they delivering their feedback, Enrique's pants split.

Next up were Chris Harris and Vanessa, who were forced to include Vanessa's brother Scott - another veteran of the previous DWTS season. They did a pasa doble to lightning flashes.

During the rehearsal taping Chris had dropped Vanessa on her head during a kind of unrolling move, lending tension to the routine - would it happen again?

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Luckily, it didn't. Harris, who was one of last week's bottom two, was met with thunderous applause and unanimous praise from the judges. Perhaps it was partly down to his makeup and costume, which looked like something from Rocky Horror Picture Show.               

Harris earned a 9 from each judge, taking his total to 27, the competition's highest score yet.

Robert Rakete and Nicole incorporated Nicole's regular Italian dance partner Fabio. "Having two guys is always harder," Nicole said, to cackles from the audience. They received a score of 22.

Sam Hayes and Aaron added an extremely tall guy to their Viennese Waltz routine to Say Something. It was very well-recieved by the audience. Hayes was graceful, and it was nice how she was the main dancer in the routine, unlike some of the others where the choreography seemed designed to conceal the 'star's incompetence.

The judges had a few gripes but gave them some very high score - a total of 26, just one point behind Harris.

Next up was David Seymour, who was doing a James Bond-inspired foxtrot with Amelia and newcomer Brittany.

Seymour does three things on this show - he make jokes, dances like a robot and is torn apart by the judges. I actually thought this week's routine, while simple, seemed pretty smooth.

But despite loud acclaim from the crow, Seymour got the night's lowest score of 16. He would have perhaps scored higher for his Sean Connery accent, which was actually pretty good, though very embarrassing to watch.

Finally, we had Suzy. She was dressed up like a Mad Max goddess and danced a tango to AC/DC's Thunderstruck.

"I'm a huge fan of Dominatrix Suzy," Rachel said. It was uncomfortable. Suzy herself seemed kind of into her feisty new persona, and the judges were too - she scored 25.

On Monday we've got Roger Farelly and Jess Quinn.

 - Stuff

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