England v Pakistan: second Test, day two – live!

78th over: England 247-5 (Bairstow 9, Buttler 24) Before the review, the crowd were getting restless, doing the Mexican wave led by a band of cod-Mexicans in sombreros who are thought to be a stag party. If so, they’re a big one: there are about 25 of them.

Charlie Jeffery is back for more too. This is like a class in which the bright kids keep on putting their hands up. “So Czech beer,” he says. “ I reckon Bess and Malan are both good beer sounding names. And a pint of Butlers & Bairstow please. And a nice Woakes and Stokes pie.”

77th over: England 245-5 (Bairstow 8, Buttler 23) A couple more singles off Shadab.

And Mac Millings is back for more. “Thanks to your readers for their lengthy consideration before replying to my 70th-over request for advice. Please let them know that I should still be able to read any helpful emails through my one remaining good eye for at least five or six more minutes.”

76th over: England 242-5 (Bairstow 7, Buttler 21) It’s all happening. Buttler is hit on the helmet by Hasan, seems fine, gets a new helmet, hits a straight golf-swing of a drive for four, and then plays a controlled hook for three.

An email from Adrian Armstrong. “Yup, England are reading the OBO (Tom Bowtell, tea interval). Wonder what side-effects that will have?” Ha. It means Rob Smyth should be the next national selector.

75th over: England 235-5 (Bairstow 7, Buttler 14) A couple of drives off Shadab, who now has the field set back.

“Afternoon Tim.” Afternoon Phil Sawyer. “Keiron Shaw (62nd over) may wish to note that the Michael Vaughan situation only came about because, due to an administrative mix-up, the legend that is Glen Chapple was accidentally born in Yorkshire. We had to make a cold war style border exchange to get him back, and so us Lankies sent the Yorkists the most annoying person we could find.

“He was, having said all that, a bloody good England captain, mind. Of course, Glen Chapple would have been even better.”

74th over: England 233-5 (Bairstow 6, Buttler 13) Hasan follows his maiden to Bairstow with one to Buttler, which is an even greater feat.

Anna Beer (66th over) responds to Rob Wilson (69th over). “Just to keep us totally off topic (cricket? yes? Is there some going on?),” she says, “my mum was not Gillian – but the wonderful Margaret, who introduced me to cricket. She loved Denis Compton, David Gower and Graham Thorpe. I had to rebel so I’m an Atherton woman myself. (And I’m also a Czech Beer....seriously).” This is becoming mildly surreal, which is just as it should be.

73rd over: England 233-5 (Bairstow 6, Buttler 13) Shadab, uncharacteristically, bowls a full toss and Bairstow, more characteristically, straight-drives it for four.

This is nice.

71st over: England 228-5 (Bairstow 2, Buttler 12) Back comes Hasan, to save Amir for the new ball. He restores order with a maiden and beats Bairstow outside off to boot. It would be good to know what the Pakistanis had for tea.

“Excellent idea from the management,” says Chris Drew, “to get Dom Bess to play as a specialist batsman, thereby allowing Jos to revert to his luxury 7 role.”

71st over: England 228-5 (Bairstow 2, Buttler 12) Buttler opens his account with a shot that is far too good for a banking metaphor – a dreamy cover drive off Shadab, threaded between three fielders. Then Buttler is dropped, a tough chance to Hasan Ali at midwicket off a full-blooded clip. He celebrates with a late cut for four more. He should be picked every time just because he’s so much fun to watch.

“Quick question for you and your readership.” says Mac Millings. “I just got a fair bit of bleach on my face – is that bad?” Ouch.

69th over: England 216-5 (Bairstow 2, Buttler 0) Amir keeps Bairstow quiet, and the four runs are byes. This is what happens when two keepers come together.

A question from Robert Wilson. “Is Anna Beer’s mum called Gillian? Relax, this is more an academic question than a pervy one.” Phew. “I had to avoid Gillian Beer for a year, having written an essay taking one of her books out the back with a baseball bat before realising that she was teaching the course I was about to take. I had, naturally, neglected to read the book (weren’t we all schmucks when we were 20?).” We certainly were. Though Dom Bess, as far as I can tell, is not.

69th over: England 212-5 (Bairstow 2, Buttler 0) So Bess departs, to warm and well-earned applause: he may be the best Test nightwatchman since Jason Gillespie. With Ben Stokes injured, England are down to their two wicketkeepers – both of whom can hit the ball beautifully.

Tim Sanders, in Leeds, has spotted something. “We’ve passed an important moment in the day’s play, the point where Yorkshire don’t have to refund any ticket money. The Chief Exec would’ve taken that at 11am.”

68th over: England 207-4 (Bess 45, Bairstow 1) Bess plays a cracker of a drive for four off Amir, and Bairstow gets off the mark with a tuck round the corner before that botched review.

Peter Hillmore is bothered by something I said (64th over). “ ‘A hundred for Bess would be a fairytale, but a hundred for Malan might be more use to England.’ – why is one person’s hundred worth less than another’s?” Because England badly need a settled batting order. Bess’s batting is terrific, but he’s here as a spinner first and foremost, and he hasn’t taken a wicket yet.

67th over: England 201-4 (Bess 40, Bairstow 0) Shadab whistles through a maiden to Bairstow.

Ooh, this is tasty: England will play Ireland in a four-day Test next year, at Lord’s.

66th over: England 201-4 (Bess 40, Bairstow 0) Well bowled Amir, who has 2-52 but seems to be feeling his shoulder. He’s not the man Jonny Bairstow wanted to see as he walked out, after that jaffa at Lord’s.

An email from Anna Beer. “Having written a book called Bess, I think I have found a worthy successor to my Bess – whose motto was ‘laisse tomber le monde’ (loose but polite translation ‘Frankly I don’t give a damn’). Being married to Sir Walter Ralegh teaches you a few things. Not me. Her. I’m getting confused. Never email from a makeshift bar on a small Greek island...” Classy.

65th over: England 200-3 (Bess 40, Malan 28) Malan brings up the 200 with a languid clip off Shadab. The atmosphere is more like a county game, albeit an unusually drunken one. Time for Mo Amir.

A plea from Ed Smyth, who may or may not be related to Our Rob. “Not to continue the sober message of Kim’s email [64th over], but please could I ask you to mention the hockey for heroes ladies squad who play their final game of #Opendure at 17:30 today. They’ve been traveling across the UK taking part in 8 military challenges and playing 28 hockey games over the course of 8 days, and have raised a lot of money for a very worthwhile cause - Help for Heroes. I’m proud to say I know some of the ladies and cannot imagine how hard this must have been for them.”

The Pakistanis go into a post-tea huddle, in search of inspiration.

“Tim, I’m torn.” says the trusty Tom Bowtell, who may be the sharpest cricket statistician currently working in the theatre. “On the one hand, I’d love for one of Bess and Malan to push on to a century. But on the other, England are brilliantly set to beat their own record for highest team score without a 50. My worry is that thy aren’t aware of how close to making history they are, so let’s just hope they’re reading the OBO.” We can count on that, can’t we?

64th over: England 199-3 (Bess 40, Malan 27) Malan, trying to hook Faheem, is hit on the temple, but he shrugs off the blow with a smile. And that’s tea. So England win the session, again: they’ve added 93-1, with Bess, the nightwatchman, making it through to tea, and eyeing another night. A hundred for Bess would be a fairytale, but a hundred for Malan might be more use to England.

“Dipping in and out of the cricket here in Oundle.” says Kim Thonger. “Just visited the Oundle school cloisters. They have portraits of 265 boys and masters who lost their lives in the Great War 1914-18.
Wondering how many might have been cricketers, and how much potential sporting talent we must have lost in the 20th Century to conflicts. Puts the odd England batting collapse into perspective, doesn’t it?” It sure does. See you shortly.

63rd over: England 198-3 (Bess 40, Malan 26) Bess gets away from Shadab with a gentle cut for a single, before Malan gets so far across to off that he risks being bowled round his legs.

“Anyone piped up with a nickname for England’s Ashton Agar™ yet?” Adam Reid inquires. “How about Dom Bradman? Simply the Bess? I’ll get me coat.”

62nd over: England 196-3 (Bess 39, Malan 25) Malan keeps on taking that big stride against Faheem, who nonetheless manages a maiden. Nasser Hussain reckons England are taking their cue from Jos Buttler, who did well standing outside his crease in the second innings at Lord’s.

Meanwhile, Kieron Shaw has a beef. “Can people stop referring (47th over) to Michael Vaughan as a Yorkshireman? He’s not. He is from Eccles. In Lancashire. He does sometimes refer to himself as being “from Yorkshire”, true, but then any Lancastrian with the slimmest justification for escaping the ignominy of his birth would do the same.”

61st over: England 196-3 (Bess 39, Malan 25) Facing Shadab’s leg spin – off spin to the left-hander – Malan camps on off stump and works him to leg, which brings him a single. After making a drab seven off his first 26 balls, Malan has a busy 18 off his last 26.

“Good afternoon Tim.” Good afternoon Dave Brown. “I’m torn on Graeme Swann. He offers some really good insights into playing at the highest level but his impressions aren’t as funny as he thinks, and sometimes they’re cringe-making.”

60th over: England 194-3 (Bess 38, Malan 24) Abbas had to go after that bad over, so Faheem returns. Malan, warming to the task, takes a big stride and cover-drives him for four.

“Great commentary, Tim,” says William Hargreaves. “I loved that comparison, yesterday, of a shot being like trying to unlock a lavatory door with a stick.” Me too – if only I had written it.

59th over: England 190-3 (Bess 38, Malan 20) A good contest between Shadab and Bess, who spots the googly. To that list of England batsmen with averages of 50, we can now add Bess, who has made his first hundred Test runs for twice out. If the first hundred is the hardest, nobody has told Bess.

“Afternoon from a roasting Derby.” Afternoon from a temperate Guardian office, Guy Hornsby. “Following the OBO with one wonky eye from Epsom, trying to pretend I know something about horses and hope England quietly bat the game away from Pakistan before I lose the ability to see/type. I know which is more likely.”

58th over: England 189-3 (Bess 38, Malan 19) Bess is so comfortable against the seamers, he follows a glide for two off Abbas with a push for two more through midwicket, played from a yard down the pitch. Malan follows suit and pushes back past the bowler for four more, which brings up the 50 partnership. It’s the third of this innings, a sharp contrast with Lord’s.

57th over: England 179-3 (Bess 33, Malan 15) Bess takes England into the lead with a sweep for a single off Shadab. Malan plays the same shot with more conviction and gets four. He needs to take charge now.

“Is young Bess auditioning for the role of an upper order batsman who is a potentially useful spinner on the side?” wonders Brian Withington. “With a bit of work on his mentoring skills, perhaps he could even replace Cook as opening bat?” Ha.

56th over: England 174-3 (Bess 32, Malan 11) Abbas, who knows fourth stump when he doesn’t see it, almost persuades Malan to play on. Another maiden.

“Ah,” says Andrew Benton, picking up on my line about births, marriages and birthdays, “but will you be covering an England victory?” You’d think so at the moment, but Pakistan could yet run up the big third-innings score that was beckoning to England at Lord’s. “Here’s a question - does cricket have inflation? Have average Test scores increased over the years?” We’d better crowd-source that one.

55th over: England 174-3 (Bess 32, Malan 11) Sarfraz turns to Shadab Khan, so this is the first over of spin in the match. He immediately produces a beauty to beat Bess, who averages only 13 against spin, despite being a purveyor of it himself.

Charlie Jeffery is joining the fray about the commentators. “I prefer the spinners to the bats: love Vic Marks, enjoy the insights of Tuffnell, what I hate is the way he is pushed into be the silly bloke by all the others, and they aways act surprised when he says something of real interest. Bloody annoying, it’s class war.” Hmmm. “Swann is quite entertaining, if also rather up himself. I say replace him with Monty.”

54th over: England 174-3 (Bess 32, Malan 11) Malan gets into double figures at last with a square drive for four, nice and decisive. He takes a single and so does Bess, which means the scores are level.

“I’d very much appreciate it,” says Andy Gillin, “if the Guardian OBO could pay tribute to my dear friend and colleague Oliver Skett as he completes a majestic half-century today. 50 years young and still going strong.

“Exactly three years and two days ago, Ollie was kind enough to congratulate my wife and me on the birth of our daughter, via the magnificent medium of the OBO (link here), and so I’d love to reciprocate on Ollie’s 50th birthday. Many happy returns of the day to the great man, guitar player and language instructor extraordinaire.” Births, marriages and 50th birthdays – we cover the lot.

53rd over: England 168-3 (Bess 31, Malan 6) Bess gets an inside edge to Faheem and is saved by the pad. He celebrates with a lovely push through the covers for four. He’s got the nerve for Test cricket, the nous, the eye – all he needs to add is the odd wicket.

52nd over: England 164-3 (Bess 27, Malan 6) The game is just nodding off when Bess plays a handsome straight drive for four. “Super shot,” says David Gower, who dealt in little else himself.

And Brian Withington is back. “Please convey my eternal gratitude to John Starbuck for shining a light down into the murky hole for me. Now if he could just give me a hand to pull me up out of it, I will try to find something positive to say about someone else. Speaking of which, love your work Tim, (even if I did query your statistical appreciation of correlation vs causation in the recent piece on Alistair Cook and his succession of opening partners).” Thanks, but that piece wasn’t intended to be about correlation, or even stats – it was about whether Cook, for all his strengths, is missing a trick as a mentor.

51st over: England 159-3 (Bess 22, Malan 6) Faheem keeps Malan tied down.

A tweet from Jamie M. “Your guardian email apparently doesn’t exist.” Ah, sorry – it’s tim.delisle.casual@guardian.co.uk, not tim.de.lisle – good old Grauniad. “Anyway: Obviously lots of players make a good start and average over 50 for a while (like Cook and Bell), but: KP averaged over 50 several times in his career. Trott averaged over 50 for the majority of his career.”

50th over: England 159-3 (Bess 22, Malan 6) A strangled appeal as Malan plays round his pad at Abbas, but it was going down. And that’s drinks, with England getting the better of the first hour, but losing Root. They’ve added 53-1, and although Root was deliciously fluent for a while, the man of the hour is Dom Bess.

49th over: England 157-3 (Bess 21, Malan 6) A double change as Faheem replaces Hasan. Double changes are a bit obvious, aren’t they? Bess picks up another canny single on the leg side. He’s a wily old 20-year-old – and no longer the baby of the team, a role now filled superbly by Sam Curran, 19 going on 12.

48th over: England 156-3 (Bess 20, Malan 6) Sarfraz gives Amir a rest and sends for Mohammad Abbas, who rushes Bess into an inside edge that brings a single via the forearm.

Michael Holding, in the Third Man slot, has worked out why Root was out: after playing several deliveries under his eyes, in the approved Headingley manner, he reached out and paid the price.

47th over: England 151-3 (Bess 19, Malan 6) Hasan, forgetting that he has a trap set on the leg side, bowls short and wide of off, so Bess biffs him for four off the back foot. Shot of the day so far. And Malan gets in on the act too with a square drive for four.

John Starbuck picks up on Brian Withington’s withering line on Bumble (47th over). “What Vaughan, Boycott and Bumble all have,” he says, “is a tin ear for social nuance and a love of their own voices. In the first two cases there’s also the Yorkshire effect, whereby you can be as rude as you like by pleading ‘plain speaking’. However, there are plenty of others who are fine at the job, so perhaps we need to shake it up a bit by dropping some of the veterans?” The mere suggestion means that Vaughan will now have to give an interview, saying he believes in viewers’ opinions, but this one isn’t particularly logical, while stressing that he will still enjoy a glass of wine with Brian.

46th over: England 142-3 (Bess 14, Malan 2) Bess edges Amir, just like Root, except that this one doesn’t carry to Sarfraz. Bess then gets out of jail, and shows his nous, by pushing into the gap at midwicket for a single. He is shaping up as the English Ashton Agar.

45th over: England 141-3 (Bess 13, Malan 2) Bess plays and misses at the bustling Hasan, then picks up a single off his pads. On the Pakistan balcony, Mickey Arthur thoughtfully picks his nose.

My call for someone with something to say is answered by Brian Withington. “Having stirred the pot by taking a pop at the blessed Michael Vaughan, am I also alone in finding David ‘Bumble’ Lloyd’s one sided ‘humorous’ conversations with ear-piece wearing members of the audience scream-inducingly tedious?! Our retired Labrador guide dog has just vacated its favoured sofa siesta spot due to my barrage of abuse hurled at the TV. In the interests of full disclosure, I reserve similar bile for any inadvertently witnessed snippet of Question Time audience participation. I clearly need to get a life (or stronger medication).” Bumble’s a funny man and a national treasure, but yes, those non-conversations do go on a bit.

44th over: England 140-3 (Bess 12, Malan 2) Amir has his tail up after taking out Root and instantly beats the left-handed Malan with an outswinger. Malan, whose record in England is ropey, stabs past gully to get off the mark.