England v Pakistan: second Test, day one – live!

13th over: England 47-0 (Cook 19, Jennings 27) Jennings looks so relaxed between deliveries. It’s only a small thing, buT I’VE SAID HE’LL MAKE IT AT TEST LEVEL I’M GOING TO INVENT AS MUCH EVIDENCE AS POSSIBLE TO SUPPORT THE HYPOTHESIS, OKAY?

Faheem jags a fine delivery back into Jennings, who plays a beautiful Chinese cut just wide of leg stump for four. Superb technique. Faheem, who is a better bowler than he looks, then beats Jennings outside off with consecutive deliveries. Terrific over.

“Fairbrothers’ Ruin,” says Ant Pease. “I believe it’s also a component of a Llong Island Iced Tea.”

12th over: England 43-0 (Cook 19, Jennings 23) A dangerous inswinger from Hasan Ali is defended solidly by Cook, who back cuts the next delivery for four. Hasan has been a bit impatient so far; I suppose that’s human nature given the match situation.

“‎Afternoon, Smyth,” says Sean Clayton. “A World Cup month during England participation is no time to give up anything (5th over).‎ I timed giving up cigs for the day after England went out of the 2002 World Cup as I knew I’d weaken during the inevitable penalty shoot-out\extra-time\90 minutes stress otherwise...”

And to think Prince wanted to do a collaboration the day before you gave up.

11th over: England 39-0 (Cook 15, Jennings 23) A double bowling change, with Faheem Ashraf replacing Po’ Mo’ Amir, who bowled much better than figures of 5-0-24-0 would suggest. Jennings survives a biggish LBW shout from a ball that seemed to clearly pitch outside leg. No review from Pakistan, and rightly so.

“The way to test for swing potential at Headingley is to wave a ferret in the air before the toss,” says Kim Thonger. “If the ferret’s fur goes curly, like it’s had a perm, bowl. I’m told this works at all Northern cricket grounds.”

And you say you’re off booze at the moment?

10th over: England 39-0 (Cook 15, Jennings 23) Pakistan need something to happen, which means it’s time for Hasan Ali. He starts with an absurd jaffa that beats Jennings, who smiles in acknowledgement of his futility and then larrups a square cut for four later in the over.

“The classic Wallbanger would use vodka rather than gin,” says Adrian Armstrong, “but I’m sure Fairbrothers’ Ruin would work. As long as it also contains the essential ingredient, Jason Galliano.”

9th over: England 32-0 (Cook 15, Jennings 17) Amir drifts onto the pads of Cook, who puts him through midwicket for four. These are good signs for England, both in the judgement of Cook and Jennings and the relative lack of movement for the Pakistan bowlers. Mind you, a good start against Pakistan at Headingley is never much of a guarantee. In 1992, England were 270 for one – and then 320 all out.

“Rob,” says Brian Withington. “Regarding Kim Thonger’s Drune™️ (Dry June) conundrum I think all will be well if England can make it to July (!) at which point Kim will be able to give it some Wely™️ as needed.”

8th over: England 28-0 (Cook 11, Jennings 17) Abbas moves around the wicket to Jennings, who gets another inside edge onto the pad. The pitch looks pretty flat, with little seam movement for either bowler, and that knowledge gives Jennings the confidence to chase a wide one and lash it through extra cover for four. Good shot. I may look like a moron if somebody dredges this up in 2027, but I do think Jennings has got something about him.

“Rob,” says John Starbuck. “It’s not that hard to judge if the ball will swing at Headingley. Just look at the sky. Granted, you do need a long history of doing it to get this right.”

I always thought there was no rhyme or reason to when it swings at Headingley – eg 1989, gloomy and overcast, Australia 601 for seven declared. And don’t get me started on poor old Mike Smith.

7th over: England 24-0 (Cook 11, Jennings 13) Jennings fences the unlucky Amir just short of the man at gully. It’s an interesting battle of patience, this. Pakistan are trying to force the issue without forcing the issue. So far I think they’ve bowled really well.

“I seem to remember getting an hilarious OBO years ago about a cricket-themed beer called IPA Richards,” says Ant Pease. “With reference to Guy Hornsby’s impending insobriety, can we crowdfund an OBO gin called Fairbrothers’ Ruin?”

That’s the one you put in a Neil Harvey Wallbanger, right?

6th over: England 23-0 (Cook 11, Jennings 12) Discipline was the defining feature of Pakistan’s victory at Lord’s. It’ll be interesting to see how patient they are with the ball if England don’t lose early wickets. Amir and Abbas have started well, whatever the scoreboard might suggest, and Abbas’s third over is an accurate maiden to Cook.

5th over: England 23-0 (Cook 11, Jennings 12) Cook fiddles an exasperated Amir to third man for four more. This is Lord’s in reverse at the moment, with Pakistan’s bowlers desperate for wickets because of the failure of their batsmen. Amir produces another jaffa that beats Cook by a long way - that would barely have hit the outside edge of a second bat - and ends the over with a delicious outswinger that beats Jennings. Lovely bowling.

“Can you please ask Guy Hornsby to cease and desist the gin worship?” says Kim Thonger. “We’ve embarked on Drune™️ which is short for Dry June and it means I can’t even look at a bottle of the stuff on pain of tongue lashing from eldest daughter. It’s all terribly unfair, especially when the England batting is so fragile.”

You’ll be a joy to live with during the World Cup when England are 1-0 down to Panama with 10 minutes to go.

4th over: England 18-0 (Cook 6, Jennings 12) Jennings inside-edges Abbas back onto the pad. He is batting out of his crease to reduce the late movement with which Philander undressed him last summer, and so far it is working well. When he gets a bit of width he belts a square drive for four. Well played. One thing’s for sure about Jennings: if he doesn’t make it Test level (though I reckon he will), he will score millions of runs for Lancashire in the next decade.

“Did Pakistan’s decision to bat first on this pitch draw criticism?” says Andrew Watson. “Should it? For extra credit, compare and contrast with England’s decision to bat first in the first Test.”

No and no, because the pitch is good – it was the swing wot done it, and it’s very hard to predict when it will swing at Headingley. It was a really good toss to lose.

3rd over: England 14-0 (Cook 6, Jennings 8) Jennings steers Amir for three to get off the mark, and then thick-edges his first boundary. There’s a lot to like about Jennings, who is smart and mentally tough. Some quick singles make that an excellent over for England - ten from it.

“I know I’m basically Sir Geoffrey of Yorkshire saying this, but we don’t know what par is here until both sides have batted, and I can’t be the only one absolutely petrified of us actually getting nibbled out by this Pakistan attack soon?” says Guy Hornsby. “It’s ok though, I’ve got a new bottle of gin at home. Blessed gin.”

2nd over: England 4-0 (Cook 4, Jennings 0) Keaton Jennings had a lot of trouble with Vernon Philander last summer. Mohammad Abbas is a pretty similar bowler with his accuracy, full length and movement. After two balls, the square leg umpire walks in to have a chat with Jennings. “What’s he been told there then?” says Nasser Hussain. He’s batting outside his crease to Abbas, and apparently was told that his forward press was taking him into the danger area. That’s very strange. As Nasser says, what about when you charge a spinner? Anyway, Jennings shows good judgement to ignore a series of tempters from Abbas; it’s a maiden.

1st over: England 4-0 (Cook 4, Jennings 0) Mohammad Amir takes precisely two balls to find the outside edge. Cook pushed at an outswinger with sufficiently soft hands to edge it short of first slip. I bet he uses Fairy Liquid. It’s a beautiful first over from Amir, who swerves a belter past Cook’s outside edge and then finds a thick edge that scuttles away for four. This is a dodgy session for England, who could easily lose five or six wickets if the ball continues to swing.

“Do you not agree that all counties should encourage their young players to display good basic, defensive technique which they can fall back on when the going gets tough?” says Geoff Caldwell. “At the moment the majority of our ‘best’ – don’t all snort at once – batsmen don’t appear have a decent forward defensive stroke between the lot of them. They can do a very good bat waft outside the off stump with which to donate their wicket in double quick time; oh yes.”

I do, but I’m an old man. The world has changed. I actually think most of this line-up have a good defensive technique; they just don’t always know when to use it.

So how will England do against the bowling attack that cleaned their clocks last week? Only one way to find out: stick around so Rob Smyth can tell you about it. Emails to him here.

That’s tea, by the way.

48th over: Pakistan 174-9 (Shadab 56, Abbas 1) Broad is back to try tidying this innings up, only with three slips to Abbas. But it’s a bit of a wasted opportunity, too many balls outside off that are left alone. By the way, Shadab seems to have lost a run somewhere: not sure how that happened. Sorry.

47th over: Pakistan 174-9 (Shadab 57, Abbas 1) Curran continues, and nearly cleans out Abbas a couple of times. Abbas then surprisingly takes a single, after which Curran tries a bouncer which sits up like it was bowled into sponge, and Shadab flaps it over mid-wicket for four.

46th over: Pakistan 169-9 (Shadab 53, Abbas 0) Shadab turns down a single to deep backward square, then helps himself to four with a nice carve past a very wide third man. Then, his fifty, after Woakes drops short once more and a pull is nailed in front of mid-wicket. Terrific innings from Shadab this: he may just have saved his team’s skin.

45th over: Pakistan 161-9 (Shadab 45, Abbas 0) Curran has struggled today, alas. He goes short and wide to Shadab and it gets the appropriate treatment, leathered down to third man. That said, he nearly cleans out Abbas with a yorker, then beats him on the outside edge.

44th over: Pakistan 156-9 (Shadab 39, Abbas 0) Shadab punched the back of his bat in frustration after Hasan dollied that catch to Woakes. In a very “you had one job” sort of way.

43rd over: Pakistan 147-8 (Shadab 31, Hasan 24) Here’s Sam Curran with a bowl. Some singles, then Curran plays the part of ‘First Bowling Machine’ by floating up a driving practice ball that Shadab creams through the covers.

42nd over: Pakistan 140-8 (Shadab 25, Hasan 23) Runs coming quite quickly now. Singles for Shadab, Hasan gets three through the covers, four with a flick to fine leg then another four after a big edge that Root, at third slip, flies to his right to grab. He gets a fingertip to it, but if he’d held on it would have been the best catch you’ve ever seen. Hasan gets a bit giddy and misses with a big swipe that was aiming for Harrogate.

“Just put TMS on,” writes David Brown. “Turned off after 5 seconds. Boycott was moaning about the bowling. Where there is light, let there be darkness (is probably his family motto).”

41st over: Pakistan 127-8 (Shadab 23, Hasan 12) Hasan jabs at one from Anderson like he’s trying to unblock a toilet with a stick, but gets four from it, squirting through gully. Then he gets two more fours, with drives of increasing certainty, the second in particular a very nice one down the ground.

40th over: Pakistan 114-8 (Shadab 22, Hasan 0) Shadab digs out an attempted yorker from Woakes and takes a single, but such is his haste to cling onto the strike like a kid with its favourite teddy, nearly sets off on an absurd second which would have certainly resulted in a free wicket had they not come to their senses. Hasan just about survives the rest of the over, without much certainty.

39th over: Pakistan 113-8 (Shadab 21, Hasan 0) “I don’t want to be a bore,” says Frederick Simon. “But Glue by Bicep is breakbeat, not techno. It’s not entirely wrong, just very jarring. Like suggesting YJB should play as a specialist batsman.”

You were doing so well until that last sentence.

In other news, that’s all from me for this session. Nick Miller will be with you until tea – you can email him here.

38th over: Pakistan 113-7 (Shadab 21, Amir 13) Chris Woakes replaces Stuart Broad, who has excellent figures of 14-5-38-3. There’s a brief break in play when a beach ball lands on the pitch, and then Shadab clips a yorker through midwicket for three. He’s playing really nicely..

“Just had my first opportunity today to check the score,” says Simon Lea. “Delighted to see that all of England’s problems are resolved and no further improvements are required. Phew.”

Bring on India! And Australia! Sod it fire up the DeLorean and bring on the 1980s West Indies!

37th over: Pakistan 106-7 (Shadab 17, Amir 10) England now have four slips and a gully for Amir, who is threatening to edge every ball. He must have played and missed five or six times already, and he’s only faced 20-odd balls. A quick single provides a bit of respite, and then Shadab slaps a wide ball up and over the cordon for four. After almost an hour of Branderson, it might be time for a bit of Coakes.

“I think you’d find Woakes’ stats abroad would improve markedly if he was given the new ball,” says Mike Daniels. “Overseas generally is a hard place to bowl with a Kookaburra when the openers haven’t made inroads - as has generally been the case the last couple of years. When he’s given the new ball in ODIs overseas he’s penetrative - see his two Man of the Series awards in the winter. Judge him when he’s had the opportunity to set the tone rather than try to drag back the situation with an older knacker.”

Yep, that’s fair. But even allowing for that point, his figures overseas are surprisingly crap.

36th over: Pakistan 101-7 (Shadab 13, Amir 9) Amir may be a walking play-and-miss but Shadab is playing with soft-handed control and eases Broad through extra cover for four. Lovely shot.

“England in taking wickets by bowling at the stumps shock!” weeps Andy Bradshaw.

35th over: Pakistan 97-7 (Shadab 9, Amir 9) Amir is beaten again, this time by Anderson. It feels a like a matter of time before the eighth wicket falls, , just as it did when Sir Ian Botham and Graham Dilley were giving it some humpty on this ground 37 years ago.

34th over: Pakistan 96-7 (Shadab 8, Amir 9) Amir swings and misses again at Broad, prompting an exchange of words and a smile from both players. Broad ends an excellent maiden by beating the outside edge again. He clearly fancies a five-for here; it would be his first in a home Test since that surreal morning at Trent Bridge in 2015.

33rd over: Pakistan 96-7 (Shadab 8, Amir 9) Amir slashes Anderson just wide of Buttler, leaping to his right at fifth slip. It would have been a comfortable catch for fourth slip, had he existed. Shadab then gets four cheap runs, flicking a loose delivery to fine leg.

32nd over: Pakistan 88-7 (Shadab 2, Amir 8) Amir is beaten by an absurd jaffa from Broad. I’m sure if Sarfraz would have bowled first if he knew how much the ball was going to swing. It’s 32 overs old and still doing plenty. Amir has sensibly decided to have a dart – he slices booming drive over gully for four. Then he is beaten by another superb delivery.

“I’m looking forward to a big round of humble pie gobbling from everyone who was calling for Broad to be dropped earlier this week,” says Sam Jordison. “(Unless it was a clever tactic to get him on one...) Meanwhile, moving techno: Luke Slater - Love. Also, on the subject of Bicep, the video for Glue made me want to weep for my lost youth - for everyone’s lost youth. Moving techno is a beautiful thing.”

31st over: Pakistan 83-7 (Shadab 1, Amir 4) Pakistan should declare and stick England in before the ball shuts up. Also: mind games. Amir gets off the mark with an absurd shot, chipping a big inswinger back over Anderson’s head for four.