Jen and Eric Eccles were thinking about foster parenting when a young boy named Sammy went into the system. The Waynesboro couple decided to speed up the process in order to have Sammy placed with them.
That was 8 years ago. The Eccles ended up adopting Sammy and have been fostering ever since. They've adopted most of the children that have come into their home. They're in the process of adopting a sibling pair currently.
"We felt a calling to foster," Jen Eccles said. "We felt a calling to build a healthier community. They are here yet they're invisible."
May is National Foster Care month. In our area there are approximately 168 kids in foster care. But there are only 40 homes available. Given that the average child will spend between 12 and 14 months in the system, there is a clear shortage of homes for children who can't be with their biological family, said Heather Hudnall, the resource home coordinator for Shenandoah Valley Social Services.
It's even harder to place sibling groups and keep them in this area. Keeping siblings together is a top priority, even if it means sending the kids out of the area.
"We do not separate sibling groups," Hudnall said. "That bond and attachment... it's a priority for us."
Part of this is due to the fact that just by entering the foster care system children lose so much — their school, their friends, pets, and family. Losing siblings as well is just not something that Valley Social Services allows.
But there are very few homes in the Valley that can take on multiple children, especially depending on age. The Eccles being an exception.
When a family or person first inquires about potentially fostering, they are sent a packet with additional information about how to get started, Hudnall said. For every 10 packets that get sent out one of those will end up following through and taking the class and fostering a child or children.
Hudnall said she sees quite a few families who foster with the hope of adopting. While statistically between 55 and 60 percent of children do end up getting adopted by their foster family, the goal of the system is reunification with the biological family. It's something families looking to foster need to consider before they decide to foster.
"It's tricky, you don't want to hurt a family," Hudnall said. "But we're not an adoption agency. That's not what we're here for."
The reunification process, while ultimately in the best interest of the child, is painful, Eccles said. She added that communication and reaching out to the birth parent is both the hardest and most rewarding part of fostering.
The Eccles fostered a daughter, Avery, for 13 months until she returned to her mother. But Avery still calls once or twice a month and still refers to Eccles as mom. Even Avery's mother calls Eccles Mama Jen.
"You mourn the loss of a child you loved," Eccles said. "But the best thing for Avery was to go home. It takes big faith to accept that you don't know the whole quilt, you can only see part of it."
Social services calls this relationship between a foster parent and a biological parent "bridging the gap." Having the foster parent and the biological parent connect gives the child permission to love both, Hudnall said. When she started working for social services almost 20 years ago, foster parents and biological parents did not interact. It was almost like a secretive thing. But eventually it was realized that having both parents work together to form a relationship, is what's best for the child.
"Foster parents are neither ordinary or extraordinary," Eccles said. "They're just crazy enough to try."
Hudnall added that "people who can rejoice when reunification happens" are meant to be foster parents, despite the pain that it might cause to give a child back to their biological parent or parents.
Eccles has adopted four of her foster children and is in the process of adopting two more. Their ages range from 17 to 3 years old. And each child has different needs and different baggage and communicates their feelings differently. One of Eccles' sons uses a wheel to show what emotion he's feeling by spinning it, while another will come out and say "I don't like you right now," Eccles said.
"So we've got spin the wheel and tell me how you feel," she said with a laugh. "We have the whole spectrum."
Social services also has kids that are eligible for adoption immediately. It's called "waiting kids." Currently there are seven waiting kids. Usually these children have special emotional needs.
There is more than one way that you can help support foster care in the Valley. You can help sponsor journey bags, which foster children are given so that they don't have to carry their belongings in a trash bag. To learn more visit Foster Love Ministry.