Lindi Ortega reveals how music 'played as a therapist' to cope with body dysmorphic disorder

Toronto-born singer-songwriter Lindi Ortega's struggle with mental health almost led her to hang up her microphone before the release of her seventh album, Liberty.

In an interview with CBC Radio's Here & Now, the 37-year-old explains how working on that record helped her realize the power of her music to heal, both herself and many fans.

"I  read a lot of letters I got from people going through really dark things in their life, chemotherapy, divorce, the loss of a loved one, telling me how my songs had helped them cope," Ortega said. 

"And then I realized that my purpose was no longer to be some kind of big deal in the industry, that I had a higher purpose: creating music that helps get people through life. It changed the way I thought of being an artist."                     

Ortega, a two-time winner at the Canadian Country Music Association Awards, has suffered from body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) since she was a teenager.

She describes it as being similar to anorexia in terms of the disconnect between how a person sees themself in the mirror compared with how others view them. It isn't a case of vanity, Ortega explains, BDD sufferers believe they are monstrously ugly. It can create panic attacks, severe depression, even agoraphobia, she said. 

Lindi Ortega opened up to Gill Deacon on CBC Radio's Here & Now about how music has helped her through.

Gill Deacon: You talk about people being afraid to go out in a crowd because of the way they feel about how they look, and there you are up on stage performing in front of people. What role has music played in helping you deal with BDD?

Lindi Ortega: They say that it's good to have some sort of cognitive behavioural therapy to deal with this, and within that you can do exposure therapy, that's exposing you to what's causing your stress.

Music in a lot of ways has played as a therapist to me. Having to go onstage, with the expectation of a room full of people watching me perform, no matter how ugly I might have felt, I knew I couldn't let those people down. I had to force myself to get onstage and push those thoughts aside so that I could put on a good show for those people.

Eventually, that desire to connect with the audience started to override the negative tape that was playing in my mind. Between that and the photo shoots and video shoots, music has forced me to confront a lot of my anxieties.

GD: What a testament to the power of music!

LO: Which is why I wanted to speak about it. Some people might feel stifled by some sort of disorder or mental affliction and feel that they can't follow their dreams, and I thought I could show you that if I can do it, it is possible.

GD: Is that partly why you titled your new record Liberty? You've come unshackled from a lot of your anxieties?

LO: The record isn't entirely autobiographical. But I wanted to create an album to help people through struggles in life. And I wanted it to be accessible for everybody, I wanted people to see themselves in the songs and be able to get through things that are dark.