By Mark Elber

Since Mothers’ Day is upon us, it makes me think of the power of nurturing. As long as I can remember I have always believed in the power of nurturing in the question of “nature versus nurture.” I don’t believe we can ever know what “human nature” truly is because the impact of nurture is so strong. Since the influence of nurture is so pervasive and powerful, striving to find and foster the most nurturing atmosphere and striving to be the most nurturing people we can be seems like an obvious goal if we want to be the best human beings we can be and to encourage others to do the same. The implications of this are many.

Teaching is one of the essential building blocks of fostering positive nurturing conditions. We teach both in what we say and in what we do. If there is an inconsistency between the two, we have a problem. Probably few of us are always totally consistent. Sometimes we do things that we don’t realize are inconsistent with our beliefs, sometimes we’re not strong enough to do what we know we should do. Let’s take an example that I hope is not too controversial. Probably most of us have been in a situation when we felt we would be better off not having a second helping of dessert and have it anyway. What makes the difference between someone who has developed the ability to control themselves and someone who has a greater struggle doing so? Obviously that conflict between doing something that we believe is right or better for ourselves and/or others and not doing so can be extended to many other circumstances. Is it “human nature” to choose to do what’s easier when offered a choice? Is it “human nature” to have a “conscience?” Is the process of developing good habits part of “nurturing” ourselves? If our environment plays such a significant role in what we do and what we think, shouldn’t we strive to surround ourselves with the healthiest, most positive environment we can?

What’s the role of clergy and our houses of worship in all of this? Clearly clergy and houses of worship can, and I believe should, play a significant role in nurturing the best in human beings. Now, not everyone may agree as to what is best in us as human beings. Some people might believe that what’s best is doing for other people. Others may believe it’s taking care of ourselves and not expecting someone else to care for us. Some people might believe that these different perspectives complement each other and we should strive to do both. Some people might believe that the role of clergy and religion is supporting people’s inner lives and faith. Others may believe that pursuing social justice and caring for the world we bequeath to our descendents is primary. Personally I don’t believe these should be either/or choices. If caring for our souls, our inner lives, doesn’t make us more compassionate people vis a vis others, something is deeply wrong. If caring for our souls means ignoring issues of social justice or of being vigilant caretakers of our planet, there is something seriously awry.

In the context of these words I can’t help but think about one of the scriptural readings central to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the holiest day in the Jewish year. Yom Kippur is an extremely intense day much of which is traditionally spent in the synagogue and much of which is focused on taking an account of our souls, our lives – who are we, what are our values, who do we strive to be? It is also a day marked by fasting from all food and drink for twenty-five hours. One of the scriptural readings for the day is Isaiah 58 which contains within it the following: “This is the fast I desire: to unlock fetters of wickedness, and untie the cords of the yoke to let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke. It is to share your bread with the hungry, and to take the wretched poor into your home; when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to ignore your own kin. Then shall your light burst through like the dawn…”

Religion can be a powerful force touching deep places in a person’s psyche, places the rational mind does not always reach. However, being a powerful force doesn’t mean it can only be a powerful force for good. It certainly can and should be that, but we all must recognize in 2018 that it has also at times in human history served to be a force of devastating violence and discrimination. It can be a force that justifies and conserves a status quo, even when that status quo may be unjust and require change. Is it “human nature” not to want change, but to follow in the same worn paths that are familiar – or is it “human nature” to want to always grow and improve, to want to look at ourselves and our world honestly whether we like what we see or recognize room for significant change? Can we cultivate in ourselves and others habits of confronting our shortcomings honestly and generally exercising and strengthening our will to grow despite the challenges and anxieties inherent in change? I believe we can nurture ourselves and others into being more compassionate, caring, and responsible people – and that this should be one of the top priorities of our houses of worship and faith communities.

Happy Mothers’ Day!!

Mark Elber is Rabbi of Temple Beth El, Fall River.