Dan Evans has taken a quiet look at the Barcelona Open on television this week, scene of his first Tour victory on clay nearly a year ago – after which his otherwise charmed life fell apart like an over-ripe orange.
He was ranked 43 in the world and in the form of his life when drug testers found traces of cocaine in his washbag in the Spanish city, evidence that resulted in his banishment until this weekend, when he resumes his career on Saturday against Ed Corrie, in a Challenger held at a suburban leisure centre in Glasgow. The Birmingham player is as cheeky as ever, which is a good sign, and chastened, vowing never to take cocaine again, a drug he describes as “a life-ruiner”.
In the bowels of a badminton and tennis complex in Scotstoun, Evans, who turns 28 next month, was nervous but hopeful and resisted all invitations to dwell on the circumstances of his transgression.
“I’m not going to go into where it was and what happened,” he said. “It happened. It’s been and gone, in my eyes. It’s a shocking drug – and not just in sport; it’s terrible in life, it’s a life-ruiner.
“Everyone knows you shouldn’t drink-drive but, if you drink-drive, you knew beforehand that you shouldn’t do it. I took it. I knew beforehand I shouldn’t have. It’s illegal for one, never mind being a sportsman. If you’re taking drugs you’re not in the clearest mindset.”
Nor will he abandon friends who have been with him for most of his career. “I don’t like it when people say you hang around with a bad crowd. You choose who you hang around with and my friends have never made me do something and I have never made somebody do something. It is an easy excuse when people say that.”
But wounds linger. Asked if it was a one-off experience, he paused and replied: “I’m not going to be answering those questions. I’ve never failed a drugs test before. I’ve failed one drugs test.”
And, as he pointed out, he was not looking for a playing advantage. “I took it out of competition. It was an error of judgment. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. It’s a shocking thing to do. It’s let down many people. Not just that – it’s brought unwanted press to tennis. God knows what some of the greats of the game thought when that sort of thing came into the headlines.”
The only tennis people he spoke to in the nine months away from the game were his coach, Mark Hilton, and his Great Britain Davis Cup captain, Leon Smith. His first conversation with Andy Murray – who has made his views on drug-abuse well known – may be a little frosty. But Evans sounds as if he has come through his experience stronger and more mature. He is not looking for favours.
“I’ve always said there’s some different personalities in British tennis,” he said. “Not all of us are great friends but when it comes to Davis Cup, that’s probably the most time we spend with each other. Put it this way: I wasn’t expecting them to message me. I wasn’t upset they didn’t message me. This is the first time I’d thought about whether they had messaged me or not.”
Evans found solace in friends and family, particularly his girlfriend, Aleah, with whom he stayed in Cheltenham for the duration of the ban. “Whoever cares for you, it’s a terrible conversation to have. Other things in life become more important. I didn’t keep in touch [with other players]. If it was on telly, I watched. Up until two months ago [when he was allowed to resume practising], I didn’t play at all. I probably won’t feel stress like I have in the last year. Winning tennis matches, or losing tennis matches, won’t be such a big deal.”
Stripped of his routine, Evans discovered mundanity. “Well, you need food,” he answered with a grin when asked what got him out of bed in the morning. “The first part of the ban wasn’t so challenging. There’s a bit of a novelty in not playing tennis. You don’t need to work or do anything. It’s quite nice.
“But then there’s a lot of dead time. You’ve done everything you can do that is new and it’s difficult to keep thinking ahead. There’s actually not much to do in the world – apart from work or playing tennis. I had a lot of free time to fill.
“I was on my own [during the day] for much of the nine months [after learning of his ban, just before Queen’s] until 5.30pm, 6pm. It wasn’t easy. There were some terrible moments. I was saying to my girlfriend how long a working day actually is. I was probably the worst boyfriend there has ever been for nine months. Daytime TV is not good.
“But I’m not going to stay in the house and I’m not going to say I didn’t enjoy myself when I was off. I went on holiday to Marbella but not as you guys would think. I still had good times but in the back of my mind I’m a professional tennis player, I’m missing a year of my life. And it’s probably not right to be out enjoying yourself when you’ve let so many people down.”
As for the future, he says: “Nobody can sit there in that position and say: ‘I will be back.’ If they say that they’re lying to your face. I had doubts every day. Until I’m back where I should be there will still be doubts – doubts until there are two digits next to my name.
“No one really likes the unknown and I’m in the unknown. There will be bad days, like any job, but hopefully there’s more good days than bad. A year’s a long time. Playing here people won’t fear me any more. I have to earn that respect again. But it feels exciting as well and, you never know, I might sit here in a year or two years and it might have been a blessing in disguise to sort all my stuff out.”