Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My husband loves me a lot, but rarely tells me this specifically. How do I get him to speak to me more about his feelings?
Do you both talk freely about other things? You can start by telling him about how you feel, and open up emotionally, while giving him time and space to reciprocate on his own terms. If you know that he cares about you, verbal confirmation isn't as important as getting to a stage where you can both talk about anything and everything without inhibitions.
I love my boyfriend a lot and he cares about me, too, but the one thing we always argue about is oral sex. He likes it and I don't, which leads to accusations and fights that don't really make sense. He seems to think I want to deny him pleasure, but can't seem to understand that I am just not comfortable with the idea. I don't know if he will end this relationship if I don't give him what he wants, but I can't force myself into doing something that makes me unhappy. We don't communicate much anymore because of this trivial issue, and I don't know if I am overreacting. Should I just forget how I am feeling and do what he asks, to prevent this relationship from falling apart?
This isn't something you should worry about too much because it all boils down to how much you respect yourself, your body and your needs. You do not exist to gratify someone else's needs, because relationships are about compromises. If you don't like something, you shouldn't be forced to do it just to prove your boyfriend that you care about him. If he has no other criteria to figure out how much you care about him, this relationship won't go very far. As for doing something you don't want to just to prevent this from falling apart, I'm afraid it starts to deteriorate the minute you start thinking along those lines. Stand up for yourself.
The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com
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