West Ham United 1-1 Stoke City: Premier League – as it happened

That’s all from me. It’s been incredibly boring, and then extremely exciting. Here’s Daniel Taylor’s match report. Bye!

Peter Crouch and Andy Carroll speak to Sky. Before the microphones are turned on, Crouch tells Carroll that he had “killed us”. This is what he then told the world:

It would have been a vital win for us, a massive win. Three points would give us a lifeline. A point’s a massive result, but three would have done us the world of good. It’s a shame, we defended so well during the game. But it’s a great goal from Andy. It did kill us a bit. It’s a kick in the teeth. Since the manager’s come in we’ve shown a lot of fight, but we’ve been a little bit unlucky in places. We’ve got Burnley, Palace, Swansea and Liverpool. I think there’s winnable games in there. If we can win three, who knows what will happen?

Statistical and analytical updates for you:

The second half was a lot of fun. The first half, well, let’s not speak of that.

Joe Hart is bleeding from the nose, which makes a change from haemorrhaging goals, I suppose.

90+5 mins: Stoke break, Ireland chips the ball into the area and Zouma, with Cresswell at his shoulder, crumples to the ground. The referee blows his whistle! For offside!

90+4 mins: Into the last of four added minutes. Can anyone strike the killer blow?

90+3 mins: This time Shaqiri’s delivery is poor, the ball loops well past the far post, and Crouch’s header back in is caught by Hart.

90+3 mins: It’s a fine cross from Shaqiri, but it’s met by a West Ham head, and Stoke have their first corner at last.

90+2 mins: Cresswell fouls Shaqiri, is booked, and Stoke have a free kick from the right wing, their first chance to threaten the West Ham goal since they actually put the ball into it.

90+2 mins: Another disallowed goal! This time Hernandez fires in, but Carroll had used his arm in setting up the chance.

90+1 mins: The ball is crossed in from the left, and lands a foot inside the penalty area. Martins Indi makes a poor attempt to stop it, and Carroll caresses a volley back across goal and just inside the post!

90 mins: Now Crouch is playing at left-back, and booting the ball clear.

88 mins: The first thing Carroll does is go down inside the area after a tussle with Martins Indi. The referee isn’t impressed, though the defender seemed to be holding Carroll back quite obviously, for quite a long time.

86 mins: And Stoke take off Diouf, who strolls slowly over from the far side of the pitch. Ireland will replace him, if and when he leaves the pitch.

86 mins: David Moyes throws on another striker, bringing Carroll on for Joao Mario.

85 mins: Stoke are defending deep and desperate, but the ball falls to Shaqiri, who flicks it over his head, draws a foul from Kouyate, and then uses up some precious time with some agonised rolling around.

84 mins: Joao Mario tries a speculative 30-yarder, which flies well high.

83 mins: Questions will be asked of Joe Hart’s goalkeeping after that goal – and Gareth Southgate was in the stands to see it.

82 mins: Lanzini, just on as a substitute in place of Masuaku, takes the free-kick, and hits the wall.

81 mins: Hernandez tries to make something for West Ham, so Martins Indi brings him down. Another shooting chance for West Ham, and a yellow card for the Stoke man.

79 mins: Pieters passes the ball into the area, where Diouf spins on it and passes to Allen, who lays back to Shaqiri. It was perfectly weighted for a first-time, right-foot shot but of course Shaqiri doesn’t do those, so instead he takes a touch, sets himself on his left but also gives West Ham a chance to close him down. The chance seems to have gone, but his shot from 18 yards somehow evades the defenders and flies low to Hart, who can’t hold it and Crouch taps in the rebound!

76 mins: West Ham make a change, bringing Fernandes off and Hernandez on.

75 mins: Since he came on, Cameron has definitely kicked opponents more frequently than he’s kicked the ball. He gives away another free kick, but this one’s on the half-way line.

74 mins: Cresswell crosses this one, which is a mistake. The ball goes out for a goal kick.

72 mins: Joao Mario is tripped by Cameron, and West Ham can have another shot from the set piece.

72 mins: This one’s no better. To be fair, with Zouma, Shawcross and Martins Indi in the defence headers are the one thing that Stoke can win.

71 mins: West Ham win a seventh corner. They haven’t so much as won a header from the first six, but eventually one’s going to pay off.

70 mins: Stoke trigger Plan B: Bauer has come off, and Peter Crouch is on.

69 mins: Now West Ham win a free kick, and Cresswell’s shot is well saved by the increasingly busy Butland!

67 mins: The ball zipped towards goal through Arnautovic’s legs, and though he didn’t touch it, he must have completely blocked Butland’s view.

66 mins: Another disallowed goal! This time Fernandes rifles the ball in from just outside the area, but the linesman thinks somebody is interfering with play!

65 mins: West Ham are having a period of supremacy, and the crowd for the first time seems involved, entertained and also awake.

63 mins: West Ham break, but Arnautovic is excellently challenged by Martins Indi. Moments later Cresswell’s decent cross from the left is booted clear by Shawcross. West Ham have their sixth corner (Stoke haven’t had any).

61 mins: Cameron is now on, and Sobhi has come off.

60 mins: Joao Mario scuffs a shot from the edge of the area. This game has improved so much since half-time that some people would probably now deem it interesting.

59 mins: Cometh the hour, cometh Geoff Cameron, who is currently being readied by Stoke.

57 mins: More on this evening’s Bundesliga VAR madness:

56 mins: And Stoke miss a great chance! Bauer rampages down the right, bursts into the box, pulls back to Diouf and, with the ball just behind him, the striker scoops over the bar!

55 mins: Disallowed goal! Cresswell crosses from the left and it’s a brilliant ball, curling and dipping onto the head of Arnautovic, who nods in from six yards … but he was just offside!

54 mins: Stoke keep the ball for a bit, until Zouma tries to pass it to Pieters and hits into touch instead. Still, the visitors have had the best of the second half so far.

50 mins: At the other end, Zabaleta’s cross loops just over the head of Fernandes, six yards out, and Zouma thumps it behind.

49 mins: Pieters picks out Shaqiri in the penalty area, who controls, spins and then, with Bauer to his right, falls over.

47 mins: Sobhi is played into space on the left. He checks back. He performs a couple of lollipops. He checks onto his left foot, doubles back onto his right, and then scoops a hopeless cross into the arms of Joe Hart.

46 mins: Peeeeeeep! The game is back on, with both sides unchanged at the interval.

The players are back out, and after 10 minutes spent thumping my head repeatedly against my desk I am feeling refreshed and ready for another 45 minutes of fun.

Meanwhile in Germany:

45+1 mins: There will be one additional minute of Ryan-Shawcross-tied-his-shoelaces-a-while-ago time.

44 mins: Jack Pitt-Brooke (23 mins) was woefully misguided. This game is getting progressively worse.

41 mins: Chance for Stoke! Shaqiri’s pass finds Sobhi running into the area from the left. He controls well, spins well, and then totally miskicks his shot with his left foot, sending the ball rolling miserably towards Hart.

40 mins: Cagey? Cagey? I can think of a different, and slightly briefer, adjective beginning with C that would be a bit more accurate.

37 mins: West Ham are starting to genuinely dominate. Kouyaté is played in on the right, and his low cross is cleared by Martins Indi. Behind him, Arnautovic and Zouma run into each other, and the defender goes down, but the referee thinks it’s accidental.