‘Sweekar’: A peer parent group on LGBT children

‘Sweekar’ began with 10 parents in December 2016. (Express Photo)

A group of parents, almost all senior citizens, sit across a wooden table facing one another in Santacruz’s Varista, a centre for senior citizens, where they meet irregularly on Sundays. One shares his story, and others listen, nodding, knowing they had a similarly rough ride. It was at one such meeting a few months ago that a guilt-ridden mother joined them. She blamed herself after her son, a doctor, told her he was a homosexual. They counselled her, shared their own stories, and helped her accept him.

The peer-parents group, called ‘Sweekar’, has become an unofficial support group for parents whose children are coming out of the closet.

It began with 10 parents in December 2016, and the numbers have risen to 20. The idea was born when Sridhar Rangayan, a gay himself, realised the difficulty parents faced in accepting their child’s sexual orientation. “When I told my mother that I am gay, she had no one to discuss it with in the small town we lived in near Bengaluru. She could little understand LGBTQ or get material to read on it,” Rangayan recollects. “I realised there is no platform for parents to vent their concerns or fears,” he adds.

Rangayan is now making a feature film, Evening Shadows, on a young boy coming out. It will also discuss the dilemma parents undergo when told about their child’s sexual preference.

The group meets once or twice in three months for workshops, discussions and awareness drives.

Nilakshi Roy, a teacher in Kelkar College, came to know about her daughter Koninika’s identity as bisexual woman in 2014. “The group has helped in coming out to my friends and relatives. I saw everybody here and got strength,” she says. Roy joined the group a few months back. Now she raises awareness about LGBTQ on Facebook, in her college and among her friends and family.

In February, the peer group walked with banners at a pride march, for the first time. “It was also, in a way, coming out in open for them,” Rangayan says. A WhatsApp group of parents has members from Mumbai, Ahmedabad, and USA.

One of the first members of the group, Pradeep Divgikar, sometimes also plays the role of a counsellor to other parents. He says several parents question, “Why us?”

When his own son Sushant was 19, Divgikar had asked him why he was attending so many gay parties. “Without batting an eye-lid, he told me he was gay,” Divgikar says.

Divgikar’s first reaction was to hug his son and play a shield for him against any bullies who may mock Sushant. “Each one’s story of acceptance is different from others’. Some parents have bigger struggles. But unconditional love is something we owe to our children, and their sexuality should not matter,” he says.

The biggest hindrance, several parents say, is in social admission. The law makes it tougher. Sometimes to cling to societal norms they question, “Was giving my son a Barbie doll responsible?” Divgikar has heard all kinds of reactions.

A homosexual man visits Digvikar frequently, worried that his mother supports him but does not understand his sexual orientation. The Sweekar group steps in at such circumstances if the child wants counselling for parents. Recently, the group counselled a mother who had herself accepted that her son was slated to undergo a sex change operation but could not handle the relatives. “We counselled them to walk together, heads held high,” Divgikar says.

He adds, “We are close to a time when homosexuality will be legalised. I hope it is in my time.”

Have a comment or suggestion for Common Cause? Write to mumbai.newsline@expressindia.com with subject line: Common Cause