Who knew that Australian tear ducts were the most developed in the sporting world? Who could have guessed, watching them over the years at their sneering, self-important, self-righteous peak, that the moment they were found to have transgressed, Australia’s comically self-styled leadership group would whimper like five-year-olds caught with their hand in the biscuit tin? As one wag put it on Twitter, this past fortnight we have seen more Australians blubbing on television than at any time since Scott and Charlene got married on Neighbours.

But if the feeble snivel-merchants want to know what proper sporting contrition looks like, they should have read our obituary page on Monday. There they would...