“Man Plays With Ball” is the kind of front-page news that tends to make me shrug, in much the same way that the headlines “Pope Is Catholic”, “Bear Defecates In Wood” and “Jeremy Corbyn Is Deranged” might.

Of course men play with balls! That is what they have done since they first discovered rolling objects, way back when. Honestly, if the world stopped spinning every time some bloke cheated with his balls, nothing would ever get done. We would simply grind to a halt, paralysed by the powerful combination of testosterone and things that are round(ish).

It’s good to get all the lazy and toxic cliches about masculinity out the way, isn’t it? Here’s another cliche: men don’t cry, unless it’s over...