Rajasthan Women’s Commission chairperson Suman Sharma. (Photo Courtesy: rscw.rajasthan.gov.in)
At An event for International Women’s Day, Rajasthan Women’s Commission chairperson Suman Sharma lamented the disappearance of manly men in India. “There was a time when every girl used to desire a man with a broad chest and thick chest hair. Today, no broad-chested man can be seen and they wear sagging jeans. How can one who can’t even handle his jeans, protect sisters?” questioned Sharma.
There is plenty to find fault with in Indian men, so much in fact, that most women never get around to criticising their wardrobes. I find myself completely in agreement with Sharma on the tacky baggy trousers. It’s hard to take a guy seriously if his pants are slipping off. As for the broad built, hirsute man as a symbol of strength and virility, well, there’s no accounting for taste. Better a broad chest than a broad waist, anyway.
Sharma, like all women, is entitled to her opinion. However, she needn’t be so put out if a younger generation of men are in touch with their feminine side. What’s interesting is how Sharma seems to have connected the dots in her head, that men with jeans falling off cannot protect their sisters but broad-shouldered men with hairy chests can. Maybe I should be concerned that my 15-year-old son, mortified by the appearance of the beginnings of a moustache, has just asked me if laser hair removal is painful. Luckily, assumptions of what constitutes appropriate male behaviour are challenged routinely by people at the cutting-edge of creativity. Designer Marc Jacobs who has rejected ideas of gender entirely has launched Shameless Foundation, a unisex product, to make “people look good”.
It’s not enough. According to a PTI report, Sharma also declared that women “in the name of freedom should not feel so unbound that imbalance in society is created”. One can only presume by that she means women shouldn’t gain so much control over their lives that it feels emasculating to men. It can be argued that there isn’t an inherent contradiction in Sharma expressing a personal preference for a macho man while being RWC chairperson. After all, several generations of Indians have grown up on movies where the male hero single-handedly walloped half a dozen villains with a helpless damsel clinging to him for dear life. Or, lived in homes where financial control rested with men while wives cooked dinner.
What’s worrying is Sharma has relegated men (at least the ones wearing tight jeans) to act as bouncers to their sisters, as a matter of pride. This is an urgent indication that we don’t need to worry only about women’s empowerment, so much work still needs to be done to rescue men from these bizarre ideas of manhood. Sure, it’s ludicrous that the RWC chairperson is suggesting women aren’t capable of protecting themselves. It also puts the focus back on the boy code, an unwritten set of rules and expectations that has caused an enormous amount of cultural confusion on how to raise sons.
Men across the world are in deep crisis because of the mixed messages they get from childhood itself. It begins when two year olds are told boys don’t cry. This tough male culture where kindness is considered weakness has a real cost — feelings of inadequacy for not living up to the masculine ideal. The effects of this feigned bravado is visible everywhere, in the violence towards women and in classrooms. For years now, girls have been scoring better than boys in 10th and 12th board exams. Boys are much more likely than girls to drive recklessly, drink, do drugs and get into fights. Sharma’s outmoded ideas about what it takes to ‘be a man’, aggressive and strong, or superior and in control, is the main reason why marriages are not working out in a particular demographic in India. Women, who have taken massive strides in the workplace and are sporting the confidence that comes with earning money, are no longer willing to pander to mens’ limited understanding of themselves. “What is a man?” questioned Shakespeare in Hamlet at the turn of the 17th century. There are still no clear answers.
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