The newspapers are of late a gold mine when it comes to gaining insights into the nature of a ‘friend’. Please forget your antiquated views about friendships.
You are sharing a couple of drinks with a friend in a spirit of bonhomie. Suddenly he runs off with your mobile phone. Now the true test of friendship: would you call the cops? The guy in the news report did.
Four young students, all friends, go on a hike. At a desolate spot, the one with a rich father is strangulated. Ransom demands follow. The culprits are apprehended, and since they are sub-adults, they are remanded to a juvenile home. You are meeting your boyfriend at a secluded location. He arrives with a couple of friends in tow. You are taken aback. You are more than taken aback when they proceed to gag you, rip your clothes off and assault you. Of course this reality show is recorded in living colour with the attendant audio.
If you are lucky, you are left alive, your dignity in shreds, dire warnings echoing in your ears. If the guys are especially friendly, they may knife you, strangle you or burn you alive. May be all three.
The clandestine chats on Facebook are finally coming to fruition. Excited, heart thudding, you reach the venue, a nondescript hotel. Your FB friend to whom you have sent money in the past (since life has been so unfair to him) is waiting. You knock tremulously. The door opens and you are shocked to discover that the person welcoming you doesn’t quite match the profile picture. But the charmer that he is, you are taken in by his engaging smile and his contrite explanation.
He suggests a drink to celebrate your first meeting. As you chat, you begin to feel woozy. You finally come to, in a semi-conscious daze and find yourself stark naked.
The horror
Then there’s that insistent pain, being amplified with each passing second. You realise in horror that you have been violated. Your body convulses, wracked by sobbing spasms. When you painfully get to your feet, you find your valuables, bag and phone missing. Luckily for you, the kind soul has left your clothes behind.
The incidents narrated above with minor departures have been populating our newspapers ad nauseam. The villains are all ‘friends’. Seriously?
How in all conscience, can these animals still be referred to as ‘friends’ post facto? I am appalled. Aren’t you? In my book, a friend is someone you trust, someone you could turn to in good times and bad. With no conditions attached.
Has the word ‘friend’ lost its true meaning entirely? Or, does its usage just happen to be a matter of convenience with no thought attached.
Remember, we live in a time when we are mystified by new terms like ‘post-truth’. For those who may not be aware, ‘post-truth’ is when ‘the truth is temporarily unavailable.
You’d agree that today there is a crying need to interrogate the word ‘friend’. Coldly and analytically.
How do we describe really close friends? As ‘bff’, the current favourite? How about close but not overly close friends? Could they be labelled ‘bf’? Friends who are more than acquaintances? Do they then rate as an ‘eff’?
Now, the ‘friends’ described as such by the police and the media cry for a special term. Now what could that be? I take inspiration from the likes of Oxford University, which now propagates the use of ‘ze’ in place of ‘he’ and ‘she’.
So how about the descriptor ‘known’? Surely better than ‘alleged friend’. The plural could be ‘knowns’. So a known could be male, female or LGBT, with no emotional overlays.
Hmm… there’s a thought. This may only be a thought-starter. Readers, friends and knowns may kindly send in your suggestions. A dialogue would be even better.
mohmen@gmail.com