I got breast cancer in 2013, and because I was a doctor, I felt the lump early and got treated. Earlier last year, I was detected with blood cancer, a rare outcome of the chemo from the first time round. Living life as someone who is undergoing treatment, as someone who has already had the disease once before, and as a doctor who talks to patients in the oncology hospital in which I work, has taught me a few things.
I find it difficult to separate myself from my patients
Earlier, I believed they were my responsibility and I had to do my best by them, but I never got involved. Today, I help them as a doctor in the morning and in the evening find myself on a bed next to them. I can’t help but feel what they are feeling. I try and remind myself though, that I must go back to thinking of them as my responsibility. Cancer can affect anyone — doctors included, even if you don’t smoke or drink, or have any apparent cancer-causing habits.
My parents live with my cancer too
After I was diagnosed this year, my parents moved in with me. Earlier, I never wanted to stay with them, choosing to live alone. I also thought they were slightly annoying when they fussed about what I had eaten or about keeping late hours. Today, I will try my best to protect them from my own daily struggles. We also keep each other from falling into depression — it’s easy when you are sick and you are seeking to blame something or someone. They put up with my tantrums and I am grateful for having people in my life who do.
I have stopped planning for the future
Time is the only thing you have, so I have chosen to preserve it with a healthier lifestyle than before. I was very career-oriented and was always running. I am not any more — I have slowed down. Today, I work to keep myself occupied, to involve myself with other people. I travel for happiness. So that’s all the planning that I do — interspersing travel with my chemo sessions. I make sure to eat fruit, vegetables and home-cooked meals.
People are by and large good
Because I have blood cancer, I have needed about 10 blood transfusions. Sometimes, I will find people who I don’t know coming forward to donate blood. My friends will come in to help when I need them, and the doctors at work have always been supportive. I took a six-month pause when I was initially diagnosed, and got back to work recently, and my colleagues still ask if I need to sit down for a bit.
I am not judgemental
If someone isn’t very nice, I put it down to the fact that they must have gone through a rough time or perhaps they still are. I find this serves me well in my profession and in life itself. When you have a positive attitude, treatment goes off well and you live to see another wonderful day.
*Name changed to protect privacy. Dr Pandit is an oncologist who works at Rajiv Gandhi Cancer Institute and Research Centre in Delhi