Sideswipe: February 9: Couple that moults together, stays together

Tiger by the fail

A farmer in Aberdeenshire, Scotland, went to check his cows and discovered a tiger in the cow shed. Photographs of said tiger were sent to the police, and an experienced sergeant confirmed it was definitely the real McCoy. Cue numerous units, including three armed response vehicles and a dog handler, sent to the farm to tackle the beast. Nervous radio updates said it was unclear if the tiger had eaten any cattle and "its ears were seen to twitch but other than that it was very settled". Eventually, the sergeant went on the air and declared it was actually a stuffed toy.

Way to make milk flow? Pull the other one

• Wildlife camera operator Gavin Thurston has shot footage for many of the best nature documentaries and revealed that he once sat for 12 hours a day, for 17 days, to try to film female lace goanna lizards returning to dig their newly hatched young from a termite mound in southeast Australia. After all that, did he get the shot? No! Thurston says he has intervened with mother nature but rarely.

• "I was filming green turtle hatchlings on the northwest coast of Australia — each nest produces around 80 hatchlings but only a handful make it even to the sea before being eaten by gulls. After six days of filming, myself and the producer both got up and ran down the beach scooping up the hatchlings in our T-shirts and took them down to the sea."

• While filming in Southern Sudan with the Dinka tribe he witnessed a woman blowing into the vagina of a cow. "When I raised the camera to film this extraordinary event, she shied away. I asked the interpreter to go and ask why she was doing that. Amazingly, the woman told us that the cow was not producing so much milk and that by blowing in its vagina the milk yield would increase." (Source: Reddit AMA).

Going out on perfect note

Dave Pitches writes: "Tonga, some time ago. A brass band on the back of a truck. Follow the gentle music to the wharf, where the casket is carefully transhipped to a small boat. As it moves away on this final voyage, the band get started on the hymn, Abide With Me. The soprano cornet hits the second verse, true and clear over the water — I can hear it still, 35 years later."

Lapsed catholic?

To be used only for comic purposes

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