I can exclusively reveal that a team of scientists has been conducting experiments to find out if Bluey, a talkative budgerigar, can hold a meaningful conversation with Wikie, the killer whale. The results so far are encouraging.

Wikie, it was reported last week, has learned to imitate human speech and has been taught to repeat words, such as “hello” and “bye bye” and “one, two, three”.

Bluey, meanwhile, is very much one of the Wisbey family in Farnborough. This is a transcript of the recording of an early encounter between whale and budgie:

“Time for tea, Billy. Time for tea, Billy.”

“Hello. One two. Free Willy.”

“Where’s Granny? Time for tea. Who’s been a naughty boy?”

“Bye bye, Danny. Who’s been 40? Ahoy.”

After these exchanges the pair shared a companionable silence for a month, as they became comfortable with each other. Bluey then resumed the conversation. “Time for tea. What a day!...