The Mooch, in his 10-day White House stint, was an emblem of the Trump Era: shameless, tactless, at times vicious, and totally unequipped for the actual job at hand. By the time he was kicked to the curb at the insistence of incoming Chief of Staff John Kelly, Anthony Scaramucci had pushed out Reince Priebus, missed the birth of his child, been served with divorce papers, and given the most extraordinarily destructive interview from any White House official in recent times. Incredibly, that all went down almost six months ago. (The Mooch and his wife have since called off their divorce.) Having stumbled into giving up everything for Donald Trump, The Mooch has spent nearly every day since trying to work his way back into El Jefe's good graces—which would mean working himself back into the White House.
Apparently, his latest stroke in that effort is to grant another batshit insane interview, this time to Vanity Fair. Exhibit A:
“Rancid Penis”—the Mooch’s name for Reince Priebus, then Trump’s chief of staff—“you know, he just cannot believe this. He’s just very jealous, can’t believe I’m this close to Trump. Priebus had the society broken up into ‘Always Trumpers’ and ‘Never Trumpers,’ and he was trying to flood the White House staff, as the chief of staff, with ‘Never Trumpers,’ and trying to figure out ways to blockade, slow down, and keep out, particularly of the White House, the ‘Trumper-Trumpers.’
Yes, The Mooch still calls the former White House chief of staff and chairman of the Republican National Committee "Rancid Penis." Scaramucci hates Priebus because The Mooch sold his stake in SkyBridge Capital, his hedge fund, to join the White House at the beginning of Trump's term—only for Priebus to block his joining.
“And Reince’s answer was, ‘Actually, I’m gonna do everything I can [to help you].’ He did say this because he’s a Washingtonian. That’s what they do to you, they say, ‘golly gee’ to your face and they act like Richie Cunningham to your face. They’re Richie Cunningham and they’re Opie from The Andy Griffith Show, but they’re the fucking Sith Lord behind your back. They’re hitting you with a lightsaber behind your back.” In fact, according to Scaramucci, Priebus disinvited Scaramucci’s parents from the January 22 swearing-in ceremony for the new White House staff.
A Fucking Rancid Penis Sith Lord. There's one for the gravestone. As a reminder, Scaramucci originally called Priebus a "fucking paranoid schizophrenic" in print. The Mooch also continued his foul-mouthed assaults on Steve Bannon—speaking of Sith Lords—whom he also feels betrayed him.
“I helped Bannon through the three months that he was on the campaign, and we had a good relationship. But Bannon turns on me, because Bannon is ultimately railing against the swamp, but he’s actually a cock of the swamp. He’s the creature from the Black Lagoon, Bannon. He acts more swamp-like than any person that’s ever become a Washingtonian. So for all of his railing on the swamp, he is literally the pig in George Orwell’s Animal Farm that stands on his two legs the minute he gets power. He is the creature from the Black Lagoon."
You've got to give it to The Mooch: the man has quotes. This isn't quite, "I'm not Steve Bannon. I'm not trying to suck my own cock," but it'll do. He also explained his ascendancy to the White House the first time:
“Now, all of a sudden, I’m making a detour into the West Wing, because the president realizes that he’s got a huge problem on his hands,” Scaramucci said. “Go back [to July] and look at the news cycles. What was going on was absolute berserkazoid craziness: internecine warfare, leaks every 13 seconds, Bannon leaking on everybody, Priebus leaking on everybody, total chaos in the White House, total disorganization.”
Ah yes, because everything got calmed down and organized once Anthony Scaramucci arrived. But perhaps the most intriguing detail was The Mooch's characterization of Steve Bannon and Reince Preibus' working relationship. From the outside, they were always characterized as mortal ideological and practical enemies. Bannon was the ethnonationalist True Believer who would burn it all down, Priebus the establishment party man. But according to The Mooch, at least, they were partners-in-crime:
“Now they’re trying to kill me while I’m in the job. They’re hiring oppo people: have I sexually harassed any women in my office? Please, dear God, hopefully he has. Did he do anything nefarious on Wall Street?”... He and Bannon were obviously working overtime to try and convince Trump not to do it.” ... Bannon tried to convince Scaramucci that he wasn’t up to the job. “He says to me, ‘You’re not equipped. This Russia thing, you won’t know how to handle it properly, you won’t know how to communicate it. Reince and I want to offer you a number of different jobs. Come and see us at 9:30 in the morning in the chief of staff’s office.’
But the most important detail? None of these people work in the White House anymore. Except, of course, Donald Trump.
