For Zack Heeman, there are days when the thought of losing his brother, Luke, are more difficult than others.
"Obviously the (anniversary) of when he passed, or his birthday, and holidays are tough,'' said Heeman, a senior offensive lineman at Rutgers, whose brother committed suicide on Sept. 25, 2012, at the age of 19.
"There's no way to describe that raw feeling, that emptiness that you have when you first hear the news. He was such an example for me growing up, everything he did. He wasn't the best athlete, but he worked his tail off. So to me it's about just trying to be the best version of myself both academically and on the field, leading by example the way he did. He always tried to make my parents proud, so that's kind of what I try to do -- trying to be the best version of myself in order to honor him.''
To that end, Heeman isn't shy about raising awareness for suicide prevention whenever he gets a chance. Whether it's on a social-media platform such as Twitter or in media interviews, Heeman said he knows that being a college football player at Rutgers gives him the ability to tackle difficult subjects.
"I just think that's the best way to honor Luke, is to raise awareness towards teen suicide,'' Heeman said. "For such a happy-go-lucky kid, it was just such a travesty to lose him. It's such a platform to play at Rutgers. So if it's something as simple as reaching out to kids I know who may be struggling on campus ... if I can help even one kid get out of that dark place, then that's what I'm going to do.''
The news last week that Washington State quarterback Tyler Hilinski died in an apparent suicide hit home for Heeman, who has played in 24 games along Rutgers' offensive line over the past three seasons.
"What I related to most when I saw the articles,'' Heeman said, "was losing a big brother in that high school/college time frame.''
Heeman read the emotional letter Hilinski's brother, Ryan, wrote on Twitter and was impressed by Ryan's courage.
Tyler, brother, I love you. You take care of business up there and I'll handle it all down here. See you when I see you big bro! #TylerStrong pic.twitter.com/mSJkLu6fU2
-- Big Bo (@ryan_hilinski) January 20, 2018
"We were both kind of looking up to someone who was going through college,'' Heeman said. "I know he's a quarterback and he's looking to play at the next level just like his big brother. But I can relate to the stressors of college football and I kind of relate to it in the sense of losing a big brother and playing college football at the same time. That's why my heart went to them. It definitely brought up some emotions reading that.''
As of earlier this week, Heeman hadn't made an attempt to reach out to Ryan Hilinski, who is high-level high school junior quarterback recruit from Southern California.
But Heeman wrote a letter and there's a plan in place for a Rutgers coach to deliver it to him at some point.
"I wasn't planning on making this public,'' Heeman said in an interview earlier this week with NJ Advance Media. "That's not why I did it. I just wanted to send out my condolences to them. And I did that by writing a letter to the family.
"The biggest things that I touched on was that strength is contagious. It's important for family members, friends and the community as a whole to be strong for each other and lead by example, and make sure that everyone is okay when somebody is having an off day. It's such a raw thing. In that first month or so, it doesn't seem like it's going to get better and it's a really dark place for everybody who is impacted by it. But over time it does get easier.''
Heeman driven by the memory of his late brother
A psychology major who plans to enroll in Rutgers' School of Counseling Psychology for a Master's Degree after he graduates this May, Heeman's long-term goal is to be a high school guidance counselor and coach.
He recalls how his former Mount Olive High School basketball coach, Kevin Moore, took him out to a diner the day after his brother, Luke, died and gave him the strength to push forward.
"I can't tell you how much that helped, what (Moore) did for me,'' Heeman said. "If I can be a Coach Moore to someone either as a coach or a guidance counselor, if I can help even one kid get out of it, I think that would make Luke's death less of a horrible thing.''
Because he's studying it -- and because he's lived it -- Heeman can rattle off facts about suicide better than anyone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the second-leading cause of death for people ages 15-to-24.
"I think there's a misconception where if kids are struggling in that eight-year gap between high school and college, people think they should know exactly what to do,'' Heeman said. "It's not that simple and not knowing the signs of it, that's what can lead to kids hitting the panic button. It's such a hard thing to see teen suicide being as high as it is. I just think if there was more awareness to those signs, to the pressures that teens and young adults are facing, someone can catch it and maybe tell them there's so much to live your life for.''
When he's not studying or advancing his football pursuits in workouts or in the film room, Heeman has been involved in several community-related projects with his Rutgers teammates, including food drives for veterans and visits to local children's hospitals.
.@RFootball gives back to the community by visiting local elementary schools and children's hospitals throughout the year. #B1GGivesBack pic.twitter.com/fdKN1kGb9Y
-- Big Ten Conference (@bigten) December 24, 2017
"There's a bunch things I want to get involved with but it's hard right now with our football schedules,'' he said. " I've got a couple different things that I'm planning to do once I make it as a guidance counselor. I know a lot of people aren't religious but I think that's the best way to get through it, understanding that God has a plan for everyone. I believe he gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers.
"That's kind of the mentality that I have had, my parents have had, and the community back home can relate to. It's keeping each other strong, and I think strength is contagious. A lot of his friends took it just as hard as I did. So I knew back then, just as I know now, the stronger I am, the more positive things that I post on social media, the more stuff I try to do off the field to raise that awareness, I think they follow my lead and do stuff that I'm not able to do right now. But by being strong, trying to raise awareness, and making people know that it's a serious problem, that's the best way to honor my brother.''
Keith Sargeant may be reached at ksargeant@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @KSargeantNJ. Find NJ.com Rutgers Football on Facebook.