Sideswipe: January 19: Mementos of imaginary disaster

Phrases that mean nothing will happen:

• Leave it with me
• I'll have a word
• I'll see what I can find
• Consider it done
• I'll make some calls
• I'll think about it
• Certainly a possibility
• Let's come back to that
• Good idea
• Maybe
• It's on my list
• Might see you down there
• I'll look into it
(Via @ SoVeryBritish)

Prankster on the lam

Retired now, but Jackie was a serial prankster: "Squares of plastic foam dipped into chocolate icing and covered with desiccated coconut result in very realistic looking lamingtons, with an authentic appearance and a lovely texture when picked up," she declares.

"I am well retired now, but during my working life I inflicted these delights at three different work places at morning teas. Reactions were priceless on every occasion. Horror, laughter, embarrassment at being duped, disbelief, the full range of emotions on display! On one occasion the morning tea date actually fell on 1 April.

It seemed imperative to 'bake' for my colleagues that day. I have to say that it's a prank one can only get away with once at any workplace!"

Fun day at the speedway ends with a jerk

A reader writes: "Took my wife, 11-year-old daughter and my autistic son, who is 9, to the Waikaraka Speedway on Sunday night and a good time was had by all, especially my son who is usually quite sensitive to noise.

He was cheering and clapping excitedly during the racing, although not that excessively. However, it turned a bit sour at the end of the night when some moron sat a few rows in front of us turned to my wife and told her we should take our son 'back to the institution' if we couldn't control him.

Whoever that male is, can I say that you are a small-minded imbecile and you are fortunate that there were a few people around as my response may not have been as restrained as it was. What a jerk."

Misery breeds currency

"When I worked at the Mount Cook Group we had the same rules regarding new biros," writes Janette. "So when a staff member went on holiday overseas it was understood they would keep their eyes open for discarded biros and bring them back. If they managed two or three they were heroes."

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz