Dirt don't hurt: Tired, just plain tired

Monday
Jan 15, 2018 at 12:01 AM

By Karrie McAllister

I’ve decided on pink eye.

Truthfully, I have spent too much time thinking about what ailment I could have that would quarantine me in my home, without polite access to the outside world. I don’t really want to be sick or ill, I just want a day when I can stay in PJ’s, take copious naps, nibble on crackers and watch the daytime television shows that I assume exist and are lovely because I don’t really have time to watch them.

Someone I know who was expecting her first child was complaining about being tired. "I’m just so sleepy," she said. And then she probably went and took a nap before she could respond to my comment about being tired for the last 17 years, from my first pregnancy until the present.

In fact, I often wake up to the gradually increasing alarm set on my phone and with a foggy brain calculate how many hours until I can go to bed.

"17 hours until my bedtime" I grumble, and then have to measure the coffee scoops twice because I lost focus somewhere between two and three. This is why I dream about having pink eye, but I would never actually wish it upon myself because with my luck it would strike the day of my kid’s million dollar winning talent show presentation and I would be standing in the back of the audience squinting through crust while someone at a safe distance narrated the entire thing.

And then I would cry because I couldn’t see anything and then they would swell up even more and it would right before my driver’s license expired and I would have to get my picture taken and live with it forever.

I’ve considered other illnesses to earn myself a guilt-free day of rest and recovery, but they all seem to be a bad idea because I don’t think my tired body can handle most of them without severe consequences. There must be a high percentage of contagiousness and a low percentage of discomfort. It also has to be treatable, and without lasting effects. Pink eye still has my vote, but if given the option, I’d still rather not.

Instead, I take naps in the school parking lot while I'm waiting to pick up the kids and buy coffee filters in bulk because as much as I’m always tired, I also love life and don’t want to miss any of it, not even if someone is narrating it for me.

So look for me, with the bags under my white eyes and coffee mug in my hand, waiting in line at the talent show ticket booth.

Monday
Jan 15, 2018 at 12:01 AM

By Karrie McAllister

I’ve decided on pink eye.

Truthfully, I have spent too much time thinking about what ailment I could have that would quarantine me in my home, without polite access to the outside world. I don’t really want to be sick or ill, I just want a day when I can stay in PJ’s, take copious naps, nibble on crackers and watch the daytime television shows that I assume exist and are lovely because I don’t really have time to watch them.

Someone I know who was expecting her first child was complaining about being tired. "I’m just so sleepy," she said. And then she probably went and took a nap before she could respond to my comment about being tired for the last 17 years, from my first pregnancy until the present.

In fact, I often wake up to the gradually increasing alarm set on my phone and with a foggy brain calculate how many hours until I can go to bed.

"17 hours until my bedtime" I grumble, and then have to measure the coffee scoops twice because I lost focus somewhere between two and three. This is why I dream about having pink eye, but I would never actually wish it upon myself because with my luck it would strike the day of my kid’s million dollar winning talent show presentation and I would be standing in the back of the audience squinting through crust while someone at a safe distance narrated the entire thing.

And then I would cry because I couldn’t see anything and then they would swell up even more and it would right before my driver’s license expired and I would have to get my picture taken and live with it forever.

I’ve considered other illnesses to earn myself a guilt-free day of rest and recovery, but they all seem to be a bad idea because I don’t think my tired body can handle most of them without severe consequences. There must be a high percentage of contagiousness and a low percentage of discomfort. It also has to be treatable, and without lasting effects. Pink eye still has my vote, but if given the option, I’d still rather not.

Instead, I take naps in the school parking lot while I'm waiting to pick up the kids and buy coffee filters in bulk because as much as I’m always tired, I also love life and don’t want to miss any of it, not even if someone is narrating it for me.

So look for me, with the bags under my white eyes and coffee mug in my hand, waiting in line at the talent show ticket booth.