Joseph Livingston, 16, died in a car crash as he travelled to his father's house in Marshalltown on Christmas Eve. Bryon Houlgrave/The Register
Joseph Livingston started surprising people on his very first day of life.
Early in their pregnancy, Amber and Brad Livingston were told their fifth child would be a girl.
But on March 7, 2001, a baby boy arrived after a particularly tough labor.
As Joseph became a toddler, the Livingstons of Marshalltown noticed that he developed differently than his siblings. He didn't talk. He seldom responded when family members called or talked to him.
Yet, when "Thomas the Tank Engine" came on TV, Joseph hustled to watch. Sometimes he would speak unexpectedly.
"If I would call his brother's name, Adam, he would suddenly yell, "Adam!" or he would randomly say a word like 'duck,'" Amber said. "We knew something was up, but I was in complete denial."
Eventually, the Livingstons took Joseph to University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics for testing. He was diagnosed with autism.
The Livingstons resolved to help their son without coddling him. Yet, even as the parents worried about how Joseph would develop and what kind of life he would lead, he found ways to surprise them. When Joseph was 4, he picked up a Dr. Seuss book — Amber can't remember the title — and read it aloud cover to cover.
"Somehow, he taught himself to read," Amber said.
For the rest of his life, Joseph would continually surprise the people who met him — right until a sudden and tragic Christmas Eve accident took his life.
It's true that Joseph needed assistance, particularly when he started school. The Livingstons worked with Marshalltown schools to help the boy navigate education.
School workers gave Joseph lots of individual counseling. He worked with an assistant assigned to him throughout the day until early middle school.
Joseph tended to get lost. Special-education teachers gave him a book with pictures of the various classrooms and destinations he was to reach during the day.
The pictures had a piece of Velcro on the back. By the door of every room Joseph needed to visit during the day was another strip of Velcro.
Joseph took the picture that matched the room he was supposed to attend and attached it to the strip. That helped him navigate school.
Marshalltown schools "did that just for Joseph," Amber said. "They were so amazing. They helped him so much."
At first, Joseph talked so little educators worried he might be nonverbal. A speech therapist tried to teach Joseph sign language, but his younger sister, Juliana, picked up more of the hand gestures than Joseph.
In class, Joseph met Jared, a sweet-natured student who became his best friend. Jared looked after Joseph so much that his own grades began to slip.
Teachers decided to separate the two in the classroom, but their friendship endured. Then Jared moved to Canada with his family.
The two kept in touch as best they could. But Jared developed terminal cancer. The Livingstons tried their best to prepare Joseph for the fatal diagnosis.
"He took it pretty well for losing his best friend, but he was still devastated," Amber said. "Joseph would have friends, but he never had anyone as close as Jared."
As his school years progressed, Joseph started to speak and become more independent. He eventually shed his personally assigned educational assistant.
Joseph developed a penchant for classic movies, video games and music. A family video of Joseph taken when he was 10 shows him rattling off the release dates for movies such as "The Wizard of Oz" and birthdates and ages of actors when they died.
"He was straight-forward and no-nonsense, but he was also just so kind," Amber said. "He was an old soul."
Joseph loved old movies. He constantly made lists ranking his favorites. He preferred VHS to DVD.
On Facebook, Joseph challenged his friends to rank their favorite classic movies or songs by Oasis, the British band best known in the U.S. for their hits "Wonderwall" and "Champagne Supernova."
Joseph drew pictures of the Liam and Noel Gallagher, the brothers behind the band. He wrote their logo on all his school notebooks.
And Joseph, who was left-handed, taught himself to play a right-handed guitar like Noel Gallagher.
"He really got into music the last couple of years," Brad said. "I don't know where the Oasis thing came from, but they were his favorite. He was obsessed with them."
Brad and Amber eventually divorced. Amber moved to Altoona for work. The children enrolled in Southeast Polk schools, but the parents shared custody.
Brad works at Facebook in Altoona but still lives in Marshalltown. On the days he had the children they rose early to make the hour commute to Altoona. Joseph adapted to the schedule the best of the children.
"When my alarm went off, Joseph was already in the shower and getting ready," Brad said. "He was always ready to go on time."
Amber remarried to Craig Hayes, a father of three, who lived in Altoona. They blended their families.
Craig introduced Joseph to his friends Kevin and Cindy Miller. Kevin owns a massive movie and music collection in his Pleasant Hill home. He also writes and produces his own music.
Joseph and Kevin bonded over music and movies, talking for hours in Kevin's home theater. The first time he visited Kevin's house, he brought a pile of his own music in a blue nylon duffle bag.
The two talked for hours about each album and what Joseph liked and didn't like.
"He was a 45-year-old in a 16-year-old body," Kevin said. "He was fun to talk to because he would tell you his opinion."
Just as in Marshalltown, Southeast Polk special-education teachers helped Joseph transition into classes, this time for his freshman year.
Throughout most of his scholastic career, Joseph did well enough to get by, his parents said.
But between his sophomore and junior years, Joseph spent part of the summer with his older twin brothers, Aaron and Adam Livingston, in Minneapolis.
The brothers took in more than 40 movies and scores of concerts over the summer. Joseph texted his parents his brief reviews of classic films: "'Chinatown' is brilliant."
As a junior at Southeast Polk, Joseph started to get As and Bs.
"He just took off," Amber said.
Joseph got a job at Hy-Vee. After his interview, Joseph told Amber he wanted to trick Craig into thinking he didn't get the job. It was rare for Joseph to try a prank.
When Craig got home, he asked Joseph how it went.
Joseph told Craig he didn't think it went well, but he started that weekend.
As the holidays approached, Joseph's brothers bought him a dream gift; tickets to see Noel Gallagher of Oasis in Chicago.
"It was the most excited I'd ever seen him," Amber said. "He couldn't believe it."
On Christmas Eve, sometime between 2:10 p.m. and 2:30 p.m., Joseph, and his older sister, Maddie, left Altoona to celebrate with Brad and their siblings in Marshalltown.
By 3:30 p.m., Maddie and Joseph hadn't shown up yet.
The parents started to get scared. The family in Marshalltown drove toward Altoona. The family in Altoona drove toward Marshalltown.
They met in the middle, but found no sign of Joseph and Maddie. They all drove to Marshalltown to see if thetwo had arrived, calling the sheriff's office in Marshall and Polk counties as they drove.
Polk County deputies said there had been a crash near Bondurant involving a vehicle matching the description of Maddie's car. They said a deputy would call as they learned more.
The sheriff's deputy called Brad as he was driving and told him to pull over. Brad started to cry.
Maddie's car had apparently slipped on wintery roads into the path of an oncoming SUV, which hit the passenger side where Joseph was sitting.
Joseph Lee Livingston, the 16-year-old boy who went from nearly mute to a connoisseur of classic film and vintage music, died on impact.
Maddie was badly injured but survived. She suffered a broken neck, fractured pelvis in four places, a broken tailbone, bruised intestines, bruised lungs, a concussion and a brain bleed.
The family rushed to her side at Iowa Methodist Medical Center. Along the way in the car with Craig, Amber's grief drove her berserk.
"I'm still surprised I didn't smash out the windshield and windows of our car," she said. "I pounded on them so hard. I was just screaming and crying."
They held Joseph's funeral on Jan. 3. Members of the family spoke, as did his teachers and some of his classmates.
Every speaker kept using the similar words to describe Joseph: "kind," "sweet," "earnest," "caring."
Nearly two weeks after Joseph's death, the family remains numb, prone to bursts of tears and anger.
"It's just so unfair," Craig said. "He was so special. He was just such a decent person …"
Craig's voice trails off. Tears fill his eyes. He looks away. Amber buries her head in his shoulder and sobs.
The family has other worries. Maddie will need much care once she's released from the hospital, including using a wheelchair while as she rehabilitates.
Amberplans to take leave from her work to care for her. That makes them a single-income family again, even as the funeral and medical bills mount.
Kevin Miller started a GoFundMe account to help the family with expenses. It raised more than $15,000 — just enough to cover funeral and burial costs, but the bills still pile up.
"Everyone has been so kind," Amber said. "There is no way I can thank all the people who've helped us."
Still, more help is needed.
After she is released from the hospital, which was anticipated Thursday, Maddie will need constant care for at least two months. Amber will take unpaid leave from her job to help her daughter rehabilitate. She will be able to keep her job, but "that doesn't put food on the table or pay the rent," Craig said.
The family will do their best, but perhaps the lyrics from Joseph's beloved Oasis are appropriate for the occasion:
Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
Let there be love.
How to help
To make a donation to help cover memorial expenses for Joseph Livingston and rehabilitation costs for Maddie Livingston, visit https://www.gofundme.com/livingston-memorialrehabilitation.
Daniel P. Finney, Register Metro Voice columnist, is a Drake University alumnus who grew up in Winterset and east Des Moines. Reach him at dafinney@dmreg.com. More from Finney:DesMoinesRegister.com/Finney.