Q: My mother fell on black ice walking down the driveway to get the newspaper. She went to the hospital and had fractured her hip. She had surgery and I was told she shattered her hip and she will always need to walk with a walker. My mother was independent living alone, driving, cooking, cleaning etc. Will the fracture change her lifestyle?
A: It is difficult to answer this question but by the doctor commenting that your mother will always require the use of a walker indicates that changes to your mother’s lifestyle have occurred. Some people who have a fractured hip require a lift in their shoe because one hip is higher than the other. This is often the case when someone has hips that do not line up. Often times post surgery rehab and a discussion with the Physical and Occupational Therapist can answer the question on your mind. Many people live at home with a walker with help in the house and some adaptive equipment. For example your mother may need a raised toilet seat in the bathroom, bars in the bathroom, side rail on her bed to help her go from a laying to a sitting position, etc. Ask the Physical Therapist at the rehab facility if they could make a home visit to make recommendations prior to your mother’s return home.
Q: I have been the caregiver for my father for years. I live only a few short miles to his house. I visit him at least twice per day, food shop, prepare meals, take him to the doctor’s office, fill his medication box, make sure he has what he needs etc. For years I have not taken money from my father even though he has suggested it. My siblings visit but do not help. After all these years I am thinking about taking some money from my father. How much am I entitled to and should I tell my siblings?
A: Many children who are caregivers take a salary for being the caregiver. You are working seven days per week. What is the value of the job? That is a very good question. In MA start by talking with an Elder Law Attorney. They can advise next steps and what is the value of your work. Often times we have been asked to complete a home assessment. Our assessment describes your father’s current situation, his diagnoses, and what help he requires. If you were not available to assist your father then your father would pay for help through a private home care agency or through state aid. We value the time spent doing for your father at the rate of a private help. The report is given to you and or to the Elder Law Attorney. The Elder Law Attorney then puts together an agreement between you and your father. This agreement/contract allows your father to pay you for services. If your father is unable to stay in his home and your father needs to go to a Nursing Home under MassHealth the money given to you does not affect your father’s eligibility. If there is no contract and your father gives you money it looks like your father has given you a gift. This could be a red flag if your father goes to a Nursing Home and expects MassHealth to pay. It could affect eligibility. As far as telling your siblings – talk with the attorney. There is nothing wrong with taking money for caring for your father but it is important to have everything legally documented.
Q: My parents are doing well in their home. My husband and I are moving to another state and I would like my parents to move with us. My parents are reluctant to make a major life change but I am an only child and we have always been just miles away. I want them close so I can still check in on them and help them when they need help. Is a move for seniors traumatic for them?
A: It is clear that you love your parents and want to be there for them. Moving is never easy and can be stressful. However, having your parents close before a crisis allows you to put systems in place. As you try to get your parents on board with a move ask your parents what they would like in a new place. Do they still want a house or is this the time to downsize to an apartment or independent living facility? Research physicians and specialists in the new location to put your parents’ mind at ease. Look into health insurance including Part D, understanding what needs to be done to obtain insurance in the new state. Do the homework and spend time with your parents letting them know you can answer many of their questions. On the flip side; some people wait until there is a crisis and then make a move. The above information is important; doctor’s, specialists, insurance etc. In the end it is your parents’ decision but with your support and showing them that you will do as much as you can, maybe they will decide to move with you.
Debbie Gitner, LCSW, C-SWCM, is vice president of the New England Chapter of Geriatric Care Managers. Linda Sullivan, R.N., C.M.C., is a registered nurse and certified care manager. Together they are owners of ElderCare Resource Services in Marlborough, helping families navigate resources for seniors. Contact them at 508-879-7008; toll free at 866-280-2308 or visit eldercareresourceservices.com.
