After returning from his New Year's vacation, Donald Trump took stock of his first year as president. Upon sober reflection, he decided it was time to hunker down. Roll up his sleeves and get to work. To dispense with the 4 am bathroom brain farts he calls tweets and turn over a new leaf. To bring dignity and gravitas back to the Oval Office.
Just kidding.
No, the president got straight back presidenting (he thinks that's what presidents do and none of his staff have told him otherwise).
It all kicked off on 1 January, when Trump went on tirade at frenemy Pakistan. He tweeted:
The United States has foolishly given Pakistan more than 33 billion dollars in aid over the last 15 years, and they have given us nothing but lies & deceit, thinking of our leaders as fools. They give safe haven to the terrorists we hunt in Afghanistan, with little help. No more!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 1, 2018
Okay. Bad example. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. And besides, as every armchair cricketer knows, it takes a while for the batsman to get his eye in. The next tweet was vintage Trump (by which we mean a terrible and lousy human being).
Crooked Hillary Clinton’s top aid, Huma Abedin, has been accused of disregarding basic security protocols. She put Classified Passwords into the hands of foreign agents. Remember sailors pictures on submarine? Jail! Deep State Justice Dept must finally act? Also on Comey & others — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 2, 2018
In case it wasn't clear, Trump was going after a private citizen as his capacity as a president, saying she ought to be jailed. Let those words wash over you. Savour them. He also rambled about the "Deep State" justice department (his justice department) and took a dig at former FBI director James Comey (remember him? That was so last season of The Apprentice).
Next, Trump did what all normal presidents do. Take credits for things that haven't even happened. In this case, plane crashes.
Since taking office I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news - it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 2, 2018
Quick quiz, would you prefer Donald Trump as your pilot or your president? The answer might surprise even you. Also, there hasn't been a commercial plane crash in the US since 2009. Thanks Obama! Then — 2 January was a busy day (the adult babysitter must have had an off) — Trump went after the Palestinians.
It's not only Pakistan that we pay billions of dollars to for nothing, but also many other countries, and others. As an example, we pay the Palestinians HUNDRED OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS a year and get no appreciation or respect. They don’t even want to negotiate a long overdue... — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 2, 2018
...peace treaty with Israel. We have taken Jerusalem, the toughest part of the negotiation, off the table, but Israel, for that, would have had to pay more. But with the Palestinians no longer willing to talk peace, why should we make any of these massive future payments to them?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 2, 2018
Because attacking one of the people you have to deal with to ensure lasting peace in West Asia is a great idea. Just ask anyone (if you're reading this Mr President, this is sarcasm. Note: Sarcasm is when... oh, never mind). Then (my god, my god, why have you forsaken me), Trump went after Kim Jong-un. Because this world is far too small for just one madman with terrible hair, a daddy didn't-love-me complex and nuclear weapons. Trump tweeted:
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
Really? Is making the joke even necessary at this point? Sorry, we have far too much class for that.
And finally (sighs deeply), Trump went after his favourite target (even more than Crooked Hillary): The media.
I will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 o’clock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
Stay tuned folks. Only 1,112 days until Trump's first term ends. Unless the zombie apocalypse gets us first. Which, at this point, might be the less painful way to go.
Published Date: Jan 03, 2018 04:02 pm | Updated Date: Jan 03, 2018 04:05 pm
