The EastEnders cast are in and out of hospital so often, they should be chipping in on staff birthdays.
But apparently even Walford General is feeling the squeeze as NHS budgets are slashed, with Mick Carter (Danny Dyer) instead being treated for a gun shot wound at the pub by Mariam Ahmed (Indira Joshi).
Fans were left feeling confused after Mick seemingly survived being gunned down at close range through the power of paracetamol and a good curry.
Mariam, who trained as a nurse, used the resources of the boozer to help heal the pub landlord, who was shot by a familiar face in the botched heist.
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“Gunshot wound? A wee bit of numeric, couple of aspirin and a pat on the a***.”
Twitter user
Viewers were convinced this was the end of the EastEnders hard-man as he moaned in pain and bled profusely, but apparently this could be sorted by a hot meal and a quick stitch.
Marian then told him to keep hydrated and eat well to help the wound to heal.
Mick was then seen sitting up, kissing wife Linda (Kellie Bright) and even trying to sneak booze from the pub.
And viewers were left unimpressed by Mick's miracle recovery, damning the BBC One soap as "unrealistic" on Twitter.
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BBC
One sarky fan wrote: "EastEnders isn't just full of quality storytelling. It also has plenty of handy tips for use in real life. For example, I didn't realise you can fix a bullet wound with turmeric."
Another commented: "Who needs medical treatment for an infected gunshot wound when you can just eat a curry and take paracetamol?"
"Gunshot wound? A wee bit of numeric, couple of aspirin and a pat on the a***," jibed a third.
A fourth fan, hilariously with the Twitter handle Lucy Beale, said: "Wait two paracetamols and soup cured a gunshot wound? Someone could have told me that."
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BBC
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However, not all of the EastEnders cast could be cured so easily, with poor Abi Branning (Lorna Fitzgerald) deemed "brain-stem dead" after her deathly plunge off the roof of the Queen Vic.
Last night's hour-long EastEnders saw sister Lauren Branning (Jacqueline Jossa) discover her fate, leading to the incensed mum to punch her father Max Branning (Jake Wood) in the face.
It's the second slap Max has received in Walford General, after an infuriated Cora Cross (Ann Mitchell) lamped her ex-son-in-law when she learned how his callous actions saw her granddaughters in intensive care.
If only Mariam had been there with some paracetamol and soup, then maybe Abi would be fine…
EastEnders continues tonight at 8pm on BBC One.