Long story short, here are the NFL Week 17 picks, with coaching predictions as a bonus:
49ers 23, Rams 21: Garoppo5-0! Geronimo into 2018!
Chargers 42, Raiders 20: For the 14th time in 15 years, the Raiders’ season stops short of the playoffs. Bonus call: Jack Del Rio is back in 2018.
Steelers 26, Browns 13: Hue Jackson promised to jump in a lake if the Browns repeated their woes. Here’s a Terrible Towel to dry off that 0-16 slime. Bonus call: Jackson exits with a 1-31 record.
Saints 23, Buccaneers 20: Drew Brees has help in the Saints’ eventual path to the NFC final. Bonus call: Dirk Koetter survives Gruden Watch and remains the Bucs coach.
Packers 27, Lions 26: Will the Lions’ Matthew Stafford have the NFL’s richest contract in a few months, or will the 49ers’ Jimmy Garoppolo? Bonus call: Jim Caldwell is out and the Lions hire Mike Vrabel.
Vikings 28, Bears 26: Take the next week off, Vikings. See you in Super Bowl XLII on your home field. Bonus call: The Bears gig is Jim Harbaugh’s Option A.
Colts 23, Texans 21: Referee Gene Steratore pulls out an index card for Frank Gore’s autograph. Bonus calls: The Colts gig is Jim Harbaugh’s Option AA, and Bill O’Brien wins a Texans power struggle.
Patriots 33, Jets 3: The AFC’s road to Super Bowl XLII will run through this New England B&B (Brady & Belichick).
Giant 26, Washington 23: One last comeback win for Eli and the Giants. Bonus call: new Giants GM Dave Gettleman hires Panthers defensive coordinator Steve Wilks as coach.
Eagles 20, Cowboys 17: Ezekiel Elliott’s suspension blew up the Cowboys’ season. What if he didn’t appeal it so much? Bonus call: Jason Garrett’s valiant tour of duty is done, and Jerry Jones shoots for Jon Gruden or another A-lister.
Falcons 24, Panthers 20: The defending NFC champions make the playoffs with the greatest win in Mercedes-Benz Stadium history (fifth win in eight games).
Bengals 31, Ravens 14: Marvin Lewis caps his 15-year tenure with an upset win, which still can’t mask his 0-7 wild-card record. Bonus call: Hue Jackson replaces Lewis.
Bills 20, Dolphins 17: Miami bids adieu to one of the most turbulent years ever.
Jaguars 20, Titans 17: The Jaguars rebound from their 49ers visit and avenge a 21-point loss to the Titans in Week 2.
Chiefs 33, Broncos 17: Patrick Mahomes > Paxton Lynch. Bonus call: Vance Joseph gets a mulligan. Can John Elway get him a quarterback?
Seahawks 23, Cardinals 16: A season-finale win isn’t enough to extend the Seahawks’ streak of five straight postseason trips. Bonus call: Bruce Arians steps aside from a colorful Cardinals tenure.
Last week: 13-3. Season: 155-85.
