It’s all imagination: What if Indian hockey had traversed an alternative route

Indian hockey in 2017 was very much like Indian hockey in 2016. And 2015. And 2014. And so on. Support staff were hired and fired like they were working in a Donald Trump White House. Even then, Indian hockey entered into new territory. The top management created a new record by firing three coaches in the calendar year.

After c was sacked because he had been in the job for too long, Sjoerd Marijne was shown the door after disappointments at the Asia Cup in October. They followed that with the appointment of prodigal son Harendra Singh, first job back since leading the juniors to World Cup victory last year. He even set up a new WhatsApp group titled, “Mission: 2018 World Cup.” Alas, the honeymoon ended even before it began. After predictably losing the three group games, Harendra’s charges also lost in a quarterfinal to Australia to bow out of the World League Final.

The loss prompted the who’s who of Hockey India to descend into the bowels of the Kalinga Stadium to hand Harendra the pink slip. Even International Hockey Federation (FIH) chief Narinder Batra, fresh from a facebook rant on the failing standards of hockey coaches, attended the event. He had no connection to HI but nobody seemed to bother. How times change.

In fact, the best day for the country’s hockey fraternity came on January 1, 2017. Hopes were high and dreams were built like sequences straight out of Inception. The juniors had just won the World Cup and expectation had reached fever pitch.

Free of baggage and the fear of failure, these players were expected to be parachuted into the first XI. On January 2, people woke up and those dreams collapsed. Oltmans gave an interview and warned the Indian public not to expect too many changes.

Context is king, not

True to form, he delivered. At the first camp of the year, there were recalls to players who had already removed ‘India player’ from their CVs. Alarmingly, he had not included any of the World Cup 18 into the camp. “They need some time off to come back to Earth,” he said in an interview to a media house notorious for twisting quotes. HI summoned Oltmans but he maintained his innocence. “I had only told this paper they ‘need more time and will come back into the camp at a later date’.”

Even though Batra ha­d nothing to do wi­th HI, he chaired a meeting through Skype to decide Oltmans’ fate. #SendOltmansBackToPakistan trended. After a tense fe­w­ days, HI opted to keep Oltmans.
Not for long, though. The team for the Sultan Azlan Shah contained more 30-year-olds and that was enough for HI to ask him to go back to Netherlands.

That paved the way for Marijne to enter the scene. In the first week of March he was informed that he would manage the women’s team. A week later, his job offer said, ‘in charge of the men’s team’. He had no idea how it happened but was delighted. He took the selected squad to Azlan Shah and finished second to Great Britain, who celebrated like they won the World Cup.

“Mates,” the England coach later told the press, “I think that allegation (of us celebrating like we won the World Cup) is rubbish. Partly because we have never won the World Cup and hence do not know what it’s like to celebrate after winning one.” Elsewhere Australia, who went back after finishing last (even behind Japan), retained the coach but sacked the entire team.

India were silently happy with the work Marijne had done behind the scenes after coming back from Ipoh. Young players had been integrated and there was a genuine buzz. So much so that a few of the old guard wrote a letter to HI, complaining about their lack of practice time. The letter, signed by a few of Oltmans’ pets, threatened HI of grave consequences but they did not relent. The body came out with a “keep calm and carry on,” T-shirt to show their solidarity.

Patriotism boils over

It’s that solidarity that came into play after India went down against Pakistan at the World League Semifinal. It was a first def­e­at to the old enemy in 10 ma­tche­s a­nd HI did not like it. “We have to sack him. We cannot be se­en as anti-national,” one voi­ce said. Meanwhile, Australia wo­n the whole tournament, a r­inging endorsement for the­ir new approach to crisis­ mana­­gement — sa­ck the team but retain the coach.­ Coach Colin Batch bec­ame an overnight autho­r.

At the Asia Cup, Marijne­’s luck ran out. He again lost to Pakistan and HI sacked him durin­g t­he post-match ceremony. Vince McMahon’s No Chance in Hell tune was played by the DJ as HI officials hand him a pink envelope. A second sacking in three months became too much to handle and the Sports Ministry were at odd­s w­ith HI.

So much so that they disrespect­ed their own gag order an­d fi­red a stinging mail to HI — i­f there is one more sacking, we wi­l­l derecognise you. Batra took t­h­a­­t threat­ seriously. So he became the new Sports Minister after making a few phone calls.

Harendra was appointed the new men’s coach and his instructions were clear. Win World League Final or risk the sack. He failed and HI were there. Again. With a pink slip. Two days after the tournament, one HI official chanced upon Australia’s story of resurgence (they also won World League Final). He got his Eureka moment.

“We have been sacking coaches while they sacked a team. Let’s try and do it a third way. We have already sacked the coach, now let’s axe the entire team as well,” he mailed his senior colleague. “Oh, and belated Merry Christmas.” An automatic out of office reply landed in his inbox.

(The above article a piece of satire and is not intended to offend anyone. All quotes are imaginary It should be taken in the right spirit.)