Dear Abby:

I have been married for 18 years and have two wonderful kids, ages 14 and 12. Ten months ago, my husband said to me, "I told you I would divorce you if you ever got fat." I was shocked! I have gained some weight over the years, but at 5 feet 5 inches tall and 150 pounds, I was not exactly obese.

I was frightened by what he said, so I took off 25 pounds. He didn't appear to notice, so I asked him, "Now what do you think?" He said, "You have no muscle tone"!

Abby, nothing I do is good enough. I work part time and take care of our kids and the house. I go out of my way to cook and bake interesting things for them. His praise is, "Not bad." What should I do?

Biggest Loser in New York

Dear "Loser":

The way some abusers maintain control is by withholding approval, love, money, etc.

According to the National Institutes of Health, a woman who is 5 feet 5 inches tall should weigh between 114 and 144 pounds to be considered a normal weight. For your husband to threaten you with divorce if you didn't lose weight was brutal. Losing weight is not easy. You should have been praised for your success.

Your husband may have said your muscle tone is flabby, but from where I sit, what's sagging is your self-esteem. Go to the gym. Get into a training program. Improve that muscle tone and along with it your image of yourself. Then, once you have achieved your goal and feel better about yourself, decide whether you want to remain married.

Dear Abby:

I am a 63-year-old widow. I have not been with a man since my husband died 10 years ago. I am now dating a 31-year-old man. I am deeply in love with him. He says he's in love with me, too, but his family says he doesn't know what love is.

Am I crazy for dating a man who is 31? He's everything I have always wanted. He claims his only problem with dating me is that I will probably pass away in 20 years, and he will be alone and devastated. I feel I am preventing him from future children and a wife his own age. He says he doesn't want kids.

Help, Please, in Pennsylvania

Dear Help, Please:

You didn't mention how long you and this man have been involved with each other, but if it has been less than a year, you would be wise to slow things down. It would be in your interest to know why his family thinks he doesn't know what love is. The answer could be enlightening.

Not everyone wants children. If you aren't sure that everything he's telling you is the truth, wait a few more innings before swinging for a home run.