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Listen to ‘Dear Sugars’: Cutting the Financial Cord—With Dr. Kate Gale
“My son and I had a falling out two and a half years ago,” begins a letter from a divorced father calling himself “Father of Three, Acquaintance of One.” “My legal responsibility for financially supporting him ends next year when he turns 18. I could certainly opt to continue providing that support but should I?”
At age 18 we are granted the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in the eyes of the law. But for parents of young adults it’s not so clear cut. When is the right time to wean your children off the family payroll? The Sugars, along with Dr. Kate Gale, tackle this question on today’s episode.
For many parents, financial support comes with strings attached. “My son elected to stop spending time with me on any regular basis,” laments “Father of Three, Acquaintance of One.” He added: “Would withdrawing financial support effectively demonstrate the consequences of refusing to participate in the give and take of family life? Or would such a move be petty, short-sighted, and manipulative?”
“Your job as an adult is not to turn off and on the love faucet. It’s to be an adult,” Dr. Gale said. Dr. Gale has a son and a daughter who are in their mid-twenties. She began preparing both for financial independence when they were teenagers. “Acting like a parent means you continue to be there for them and hope that by the time they’re adults you have a mutually respectful relationship.”
Dr. Gale is the managing editor of Red Hen Press, editor of the The Los Angeles Review and president of the American Composers Forum, L.A. She is author of five books of poetry including “Mating Season” and “Lake of Fire.”
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“F.A.Q.S,” by Allegra Goodman
New episodes of “Dear Sugars” are released weekly. You can also read the Sugars’ advice in their Styles column, The Sweet Spot. Do you have a question for the Sugars? Email dearsugars@nytimes.com or leave a voice mail message on our hotline at 929-399-8477.
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