Dan Summers has taken care of wife Joan at home for the past 17 years. Joan has late-stage Alzheimer's disease. Humankind
Amanda lost her son during pregnancy. To remember him, she takes a teddy bear memorializing him wherever she goes. That includes Christmas photos with Santa. Humankind
He used to call her teacher. Now he calls her mom. Humankind
When the Grinch threatened to steal Christmas, TyLon knew just what to do. He called the police and brought in a real-life Cindy Lou Who. Humankind
Elliot has been having a tough time at school for being bullied for his style. Listen to him thank his new friends who lifted him up with a pair of very special earrings. Humankind
Football is more than just a game for these deaf students. It's teaching them life lessons that go beyond getting the win. Humankind
The lifespan of an infant born without a trachea is measured in minutes. Only a few of these babies, and only because of extraordinary surgical interventions, have survived. In the United States, Thomas is the first. Humankind
You can volunteer to help children in Golisano Children's Hospital by sewing fun surgical hats. Humankind
Devoted husband cares for wife with Alzheimer’s
Santa helps grieving mother remember her son
Foster kid finds new home with loving teacher
Officer saves Christmas for kid who’s scared of the Grinch
Bullied boy thanks the people who lifted him up
Football prepares deaf students for life beyond the gridiron
He’s the first American to survive without a trachea
How many surgical caps can you make for these kids?
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Hi Carolyn: I’ve known my brother’s friend for years, but I don’t know him well. I see him in a group setting every few months, and we have always been flirty. I’d like to get to know him better one-on-one but ... how?
I usually wait for the other person to initiate but that hasn’t happened here — should I take that as a sign?
The thought of asking him out makes me feel like my throat is closing up. The idea of a “date” and sitting across the dinner table from someone making small talk — hang on, my throat is closing up again ... OK, it passed.
How do people do this?! On a regular basis?!
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I’m going to be seeing him at a party in a couple of weeks. Do you have any ideas on how to go about this?
And if you’re thinking I should enlist my brother’s help in setting me up: He is very protective (and large and intimidating) and his friends are not “allowed” to date me. This could be why the friend is flirty but hasn’t tried to take it any further. I don’t care what my brother says, but he definitely won’t be of any help in making it happen. — Asking Someone Out
Dear Asking: Have you said to your brother that his protectiveness is anachronistic bull and that the only person who decides who is “allowed” to date you is you?
That’s where I’d start.
So much bias rides for free under the banner of protectiveness.
Re: How to ask someone out: How about just asking if he’d like to go for coffee, lunch, go to a ballgame, etc.? Keep it friendly and just maybe it can go from there. That’s how my husband and I began almost 40 years ago. — Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: Thanks. That’s really all there is to it — and yes, the sitting-across-from part is awkward at first, but so are a lot of things.
In this case, there’s an even easier path than a cold ask: They’re already flirty. Mid-flirt in a party environment is an excellent, relatively low-risk time for her to ask, “So, are we just flirting here, or is this going somewhere?”
Dear Carolyn: My fiance’s brother, who had had a few too many beers, made a comment that some people listening took as racist. I wasn’t there but trust the people who told me about it. I now have close friends questioning my judgment for associating with that guy, and for marrying someone close to him — and who, unfortunately, had to loudly take up for his brother despite not agreeing with what he said.
What else should I do, besides reminding my friends that my fiance and his brother are two different people? — Questioned
Dear Questioned: Unless there’s more to the “loudly take up for his brother,” they’re grabbing torches and pitchforks against the innocent, and that won’t stop racism — but might empower its apologists.
So see if there’s more: “Do I hear you correctly — I should drop my fiance because of something his brother said? I want to understand.” An indication that you’re willing to listen in itself can be disarming.
E-mail Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
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